Adventures with Jen

BIG CHANGES to Jen's Adventures!!!

2010-01-28T22:08:00.000-08:00

Two years and 4 months ago I made fun of my friends with blogs {to their faces of course!}. Then 23 months ago, I took a job traveling around the U.S. and spent many nights in hotels with a LOT of free time on my hands...so out of those lonely nights, Adventures with Jen was born.

I quickly became a full-fledged blogger with no regrets...in fact, I have met many great "friends" through the blogging community - and been blown away by the fun stories, humor, honesty, realness, and thought-provoking posts from many of your blogs as well!

But I have a confession. I have been cheating on all of you. Yes, it's true. While you have faithfully continued to read this blog, I have been sneaking around behind all of your backs working TIRELESSLY on a NEW and IMPROVED Adventures with Jen. Don't be offended, as a surprise party just isn't the same without the SURPRISE element!

I SO hope you will follow my new site - please update your Google Readers, subscriptions, and/or bookmarks for the GRAND OPENING of...{drumroll please!}...

http://www.adventureswithjen.com

I'll see you there!

*This site will remain active with old posts, yet all new updates will be at http://www.adventureswithjen.com

My past is catching up with me...

2010-01-25T21:59:00.000-08:00

Things I did during my first night of Professional Presentations:

1. Accidentally flirted with my professor who is a) married and b) in his 60's by mindlessly winking at him while smiling during my first presentation.

2. Showed him this picture from a presentation I had done for a business class {not the kind of "business" you're thinking of...the picture may be a bit misleading} after being asked to show him some of our previous "work" - again, picture might be a bit misleading. Didn't really think that through before showing him...

3. When he blushed and stammered out the question, "What exactly was this presentation all about?" I realized he must not understand, so I quickly apologized and said, "Oh, yes, it's not what you think...here let me show you the next slide..." Which was this:

4. Tried to tell him that I had been a Stripper for one year - but then realized that didn't sound right either. Then told him that "What I MEAN is that my presentation was about how Stripping can make you extra money..." - then trailed off as I knew that didn't sound quite right either.

5. Finally, just as I was about to explain that by STRIPPING, I meant stripping away extra spending {not clothing}...he interrupted with a, "I should uh, probably get my things packed up now." ...as the class was all leaving.

I'm guessing this class won't be the easy "A" that a ~~stripper~~ girl like me could hope for...

Staring at...his butt.

2010-01-20T21:39:00.000-08:00

After work I hit up the gym for a workout. Hopping on a bike, I was about to crack open my latest read when I glanced up and saw it. There was a handsome young guy running on the treadmill just a few feet in front of me, and my eyes were immediately drawn to his butt. I couldn't stop staring! I would pedal faster and hold my book up higher, trying to divert my attention, but soon my eyes would be peering over the pages...staring.

I looked around at the others around me. There was a girl doing abs on my right. "Doesn't she see this guy?" I wondered. An elderly woman walked past, right behind him. "Why is she not staring?" I pondered.

I kept trying to workout without peeking, but I couldn't help it...my eyes kept wandering back to his butt! His muscular arms would wipe the sweat from his brow and then he would wipe his hand on his back end as he ran. "Oh, there you go! Just a little to the right!" I nearly mumbled out loud.

Believe me when I say, I was THIS CLOSE {holding up fingers a cm a part} to running back to my apartment and getting my cellphone to discreetly take pictures of his...well, you get the picture.

Finally my staring paid off and I got what I wanted. In slow motion, his bulging biceps wiped his sweaty brow and then reached back...back...back...to wipe it on his short little shorts...and he FOUND IT. He found the LONG string of TOILET PAPER that was stuck and hanging out like a nearly 2-foot long TAIL from his back end!!! He ripped it off and nervously chucked it, looking left and right to see if anyone saw.

No one saw. Well, no one except the girl on the bike several feet behind him. That girl saw EVERYTHING.

What Not to Wear: Jen's Edition

2010-01-19T14:35:00.000-08:00

If I were ever to be nominated for "What Not to Wear" {which, unfortunately very well could happen judging by my apparel some days}, I know EXACTLY what I would be busted for. I would show up to New York with my entire wardrobe for Clinton and Stacy to examine. One by one, they would hold up an assortment of zippable shirts. They would stand next to me in the 360 mirror as I tried zippable shirt after zippable shirt on. A not-so-eclectic mix of hoody-fleecy-workoutish-zippable shirts. I would stutter and stammer and they would point and shake their heads.

I have an addiction to zippable shirts.

Some are brand name with whicking capabilities.

Some are old, faded & stained.

Some cozy.

Some have short sleeves.

And some have 3/4 sleeves.

Some were gifts.

And some were awarded after Freezing my Gizzard...

Others were WORN while Freezing my Gizzard.

There are some that make me feel like Avril Lavigne.

And others that are soft and green.

I have zip-ups from Young Life.

There are some that I have never even worn {shameful head hang}.

Some are from old jobs.

And some of from old days {high school - YIKES!}

MANY are black.

And many are not.

And WHO, may I ask needs two zip-ups that are BLUE?

Apparently...I DO!!!!

Some of these zip-ups have crazy big necks.

And others are grungy with holes...and have seen better days.

I realize my addiction to all things with zippers and hoods must stop. Sadly, when I took out all of these zippered shirts, my closet was nearly completely empty. The items that were left I had forgotten I had! I wear zippered-hooded items DAILY - which is why this week, I am sending myself on a What Not to Wear personal challenge...I cannot wear a zippered-hooded item for an entire WEEK.

Better go change...

I Vacated...AND GOT ON NATIONAL TV!!!

2010-01-18T01:29:00.000-08:00

You are now reading the blog of a real, live, nationally famous runner. Let me tell you this weekend's Story of Glory. {clearing of the throat} It all began in December, when I told my cousin that I wanted to sign up for the Freeze Yer Gizzard in a Blizzard 5K in International Falls, MN. For those of you not from these parts, International Falls is THE COLDEST point on the map in the lower 48. Make that 49...Hawaii doesn't even come close. Why did I want to do this? Adventure, folks. This IS thejenniadventures afterall.

When we sent in our registrations, I informed her that I had no intent of running, perhaps just crawling - but that my ONLY GOAL was to make it onto the FRONT PAGE of their newspaper. Big dreams produce big results, as I had no idea {innocent eye flutter} that CBS national news was covering the event.

The drive takes nearly 5 hours. As I hopped into her car, I said "Mind if we make a couple stops? Like to the Thrift Store?" The glimmer in my eyes made her groan, as visions of 1980's matching windsuits danced through my head. Unfortunately there were no matching outfits...so I purchased a shiny, metallic, TEAL, 1980's windsuit for myself...leaving my cousin wandering aimlessly down the costume aisle. It was her lucky day. There was a skintight bumblebee outfit with a tutu attached that had her name on it! By the time we got to our hotel, it was late Friday night.

RACE DAY: We awoke 2.5 hours prior to the race {against my will - ugh - morning people KILL me!} and got dressed. I anxiously awaited the looks we would get in our tutus and metallic shine as we approached the registration table. But oddly enough, I got no chuckles or cross-eyed glances. In fact, I got the feeling that I was perfectly dressed for this northern Minnesota crowd. The Bumblebee however, was a different story...

At one point, a woman walked up to me with a sympathetic side-hug and said, "Ohhhh, hunny. Are you a smoker?" Tipping my head, I said no I was not. She pulled her arm away and said, "Oh - I guess I thought that was why you are running with a monkey on your back!" I laughed. That made sense. But then I stopped laughing. Because I realized EVERYONE THOUGHT I WAS REALLY TRYING TO LOOK GOOD!!! Sigh.

As the gun went off, Michelle and I did high-kicks, giggled, danced and twirled. Alright fine. SHE did high-kicks, giggled, danced and twirled THE ENTIRE 5K. I slowly chugged along, cursing swear words at her annoyingly large amounts of energy. BUT I MADE IT! I ran the whole darn thing, to which I was both proud and a bit shocked!

After showering, we headed back into town to watch the Turkey Bowling and Smooshing events...and started chatting with a guy outside the coffee shop...WHO ENDED UP BEING WITH CBS! He was the "microphone holder guy" that we had seen while running. When he found out that we were the Bumblebee and "Poorly Dressed Sidekick" he chuckled and said they got footage of us that will definately be shown this Sunday on the national CBS news!!!

To top it off, we were approached by the Chamber of Commerce...the woman shook our hands and thanked us for coming. She said there is going to be some great shots of us on the FRONT PAGE...and she hopes we come back next year!

We assured her we will...and we've already got our outfits planned out!

I'm Vacating: Part I {& Aveda Contest Winner!}

2010-01-15T00:00:00.000-08:00

Webster describes "vacate" as to cause to be empty or unoccupied; make vacant: to vacate one's mind of worries.

This description seems to perfectly describe this 9-day stretch. Claiming that I'm on "vacation" just doesn't seem appropriate, as that brings visions of beaches, drinks with umbrellas, and cabana boys. Because my destinations are Chicago, IL and International Falls, MN ~ the notable "Icebox of the Nation" ~ I have decided to call this week my 9-Day-Vacate, intentionally causing my mind to be empty, unoccupied, and void of worries.

So far, so good. I just wrapped up my trip to Chicago {pictures & adventures to come}...although this trip consisted of 6 kids under the age of 7 years old, 1 dog, and 4 adults all packed into a teeny-tiny house, it was surprisingly...vacating! Did I say surprisingly? I meant SHOCKINGLY vacating! Naps, watching movies, playing Wii tennis, LOTS of chatting, even more laughing, eating, drinking lattes, cutting my friends' hair {along with prefacing them MANY times with "just remember, I am not trained in this!"} and having a near-death experience hitting my face with the Wii hand-controller as I desperately swung for the "on-screen ball"...it was a great trip!

I had made the drive with my friend Melissa, but came back Thursday on the MEGABUS. If you are into cheap travel, cheap thrills, and near-death-experiences, the MEGABUS is for YOU! In fact, {drumroll please!!!} my ticket, with tax was only...

50 cents!!!

Yes, this is not a scam, not a joke, and not an early April Fool's Day trick. This is real life. My "Chicago Vacate" was not only FUN...it was also CHEAP, which really folks, can there BE a better combination in life?

This makes Barb I. the lucky winner of Aveda Hand Relief Contenst! :) ~ Barb, would you send your address to: carlson_jen@juno.com ~ good votes everyone! More Aveda contests to come...

Contest! ...just for kicks... WIN Aveda!

2010-01-09T23:29:00.000-08:00

I'm headed to Chicago for a few days and will be riding in style on my way home...

Any guesses as to how much my MegaBus ticket cost {price+tax} from Chicago to Minneapolis?

Post your guess ~ closest guess WINS an Aveda Hand Relief! *$19 Value*

Winner will be posted on Friday, January 14, 2010

The Final Goodbye

2010-01-09T23:14:00.000-08:00

Dear ~~trusty~~ station wagon,
I will never forget that day we met, six years ago. Nannying for 2 little girls, I brought them to the used car lot and asked which car they liked. They pointed to you and said, "That one! We need a station wagon to haul all of our stuff!" The letters S-U-C-K-E-R must have been written on my forehead...I bought you.

The there was the time the teenage driver hit us, causing your airbag to nearly kill me. And then remember how he sued me? And won? Oh yes, such sweet memories with you my trusty station wagon...

I recall packing you full with every item of clothing, picture frame, plastic tub, and Enrique Iglesias poster I could squash in - and driving 1,721 miles to Oregon to relocate. With every pot hole in Montana, you bottomed out. But you made it...and there were many great adventures with you in Oregon as well...

Like the time my friend Melissa and her daughter Ella came to visit, and we drove 20 miles into the desert with no cell phone service - LITERALLY - and you broke down. Or when you ran out of gas in the middle of that same desert at 4am and a semi-truck driver had to give me a lift to the nearest town: Population 17. Or when the landscape guys thought it would be funny to put a dead hawk on your driver's seat. Such memories oh ~~trusty~~ station wagon.

Yes, the lipgloss and bronzer stains all over the seat from too many "makeup mishaps" on the way to work will always be there - a reminder of the good old days. The sun visor that was ripped off when *someone* apparently had really bad PMS and the visor wasn't working properly will leave its mark forever as well.

I leave tomorrow for Chicago, dear trusty station wagon. When I come home, you will be gone from my life forever...towed...de-parted {literally}. Do not hate me for letting them rip you into a million pieces and sell all your parts for next-to-nothing dear wagon. Children with cancer is a good cause, so remember that as your insides are being torn out.

If it makes you feel better, my insides will probably have to be sold too...ever since you died and I'm without a vehicle the money making options are leaning more and more in that direction. No hard feelings though - who needs 2 lungs anyways?

I miss you already,
Jenni, proud ~~owner~~ donator of ~~trusty~~ station wagon, 1 lung, a spleen, and a kidney

R.I.P.

Leave Me to My Sheep

2010-01-07T20:29:00.000-08:00

After my cousin brought me home after work, I bundled up and went out to the dark parking lot to attempt to get my friends' car started. You know, the car that they borrowed to me that died simultaneously with mine this week? I tried to pop the hood for 20 minutes - then came in to warm up. I then went back out and recruited the help of a male passer-byer to help pop the hood, to no avail. I contemplated lowering my hair-dryer from my 2nd story window to try and thaw it out...but then I saw it - A PLUG-IN hanging from the front of the car! Who needs to JUMP the car when you can just PLUG-IN the car?!?!?!?

Off I rushed to gather extension cords - I found 2 cords and 1 strand of Christmas lights (what? they TOTALLY work as extension cords!) which I hooked up and strung over to the car to plug it in. Turned out the car needed a 3-prong, a feature in which my Christmas lights did not offer.

Despite the -12 degree windchill, I walked the 3 blocks (in the dark) to the thrift store to buy an extension cord. Upon arrival, I said to the clerk "Eyemim duhmowkit foyah thweep wrung eckthenshun corud." Unfortunately because my lips and chin were frozen solid my request of "I'm in the market for a 3-prong extension cord" was not easily understood. I searched high and low, but alas, no 3-prongs.

So I trudged across the railroad tracks the 3 blocks to Fuel Mart. The little bell above the door signaled my arrival as I repeated, "Eyemim duhmowkit foyah thweep wrung eckthenshun corud." After using some hand gestures and old fashioned pen & paper, he chuckled and said they do not carry 3-prong extension cords.

Exiting, I began the 7 block trek to Wal-Mart. By this time, it wasn't my frozen lips that concerned me as much as my frozen cheeks...and I'm not talking about the ones on my face. Wal-Mart offered me a plethora of 3-prongs to choose from. I decided on an orange 25-footer, and headed out the door,,,but not before purchasing animal crackers for my dinner. Frozen tundra greeted me as the automatic doors opened and I marched through icy, snowy drifts back home.

My frozen heart melted into sheer pride as I plugged my shiny new 3-prong into my apartment building and pulled it over to the car, ready to plu - WAIT. STOP. WHAT THE.... My 25-footer was 3 inches short of the car. THREE INCHES!!!!!!!!

Back to Wal-Mart I stumbled {and grumbled}. I began to wonder if "freezer burn" was possible on internal organs. Back in the extension cord aisle you would THINK they would sell 3-inch long 3-prong extension cords, but no. They don't. They sell 12 foot extension cords for $10...or the 25-foot extension cords for $5.83 - sigh - So I was now up to 50-feet worth of extension cords for a 25-foot-3-inch job.

Tonight I walked 27 blocks in -12 degree windchill. In the dark. Without mace. For 3.49 hours. I am tangled up in 5 extension cords and 1 strand of Christmas lights. I can't feel my cheeks. Yes, those cheeks. And I am eating animal crackers for dinner. Please, just leave me to my sheep. {crunch-crunch}

Dave the Toe Man

2010-01-06T19:00:00.000-08:00

Not a bad photo for being taken with my phone! Well folks, turns out it wasn't the transmission blowing that was the tragic ending to my car's life. Who would have thought that my inability to smell {anosmia = being born with a sense of smell} would be at fault? Not I. Not I.

The photo above is taken from inside a tow truck after my car SHUT DOWN in the middle of an exit during rush hour traffic. Apparently I had an oil leak but couldn't smell it. The engine blew. The car died. I almost died of hypothermia waiting for Dave, the Tow Man {not to be mistaken for Dave the Toe Man}.

The joke of the day was that after downloading this photo into my computer, I couldn't find it in my "Pictures" folder. After doing a search, I found that it was accidentally {and IRONICALLY} saved in a folder titled "Faith Resources" ~ a place I store inspirational notes, messages, and now apparently photographs. Ha, ha, ha, choking sob...

Anyone need a housecleaner, esthetician, baby-sitter, shoe shiner, ~~pole dancer~~, or errand runner? Oh, and can I get ride...?

Kashuffling Through the Smog

2010-01-05T08:53:00.000-08:00

Getting into bed at 10:24pm felt great last night. I was tired. I had an early morning ahead of me. I was buried in lots of down blankets. Sounds like the begininngs of a great night's sleep huh?

I wish.

I don't know what my deal was, but I laid there until 4am WIDE awake, yet SO tired. By 4am I decided to just get up and start my day. I went running, I lifted weights, I stretched, I painted my toenails, I plucked my eyebrows, I showered, I changed outfits twice, I flossed, I made my bed, cleaned my room, sat down for breakfast, and was out the door at 6:37am! Believe me, that is where all good things came to an end.

Driving in -21 degree weather, on the freeway, in the dark, in a car that won't go over 31MPH, with a frosty windshield, running on ZERO sleep, and pouring more SMOG out of the tailpipe than New York and L.A. COMBINED brought me back to reality quickly. Oh, and did I mention I was on my way to a 7am DENTIST APPOINTMENT?! Seriously, what dentist schedules clients that early? And what idiot TAKES that appointment? {don't answer that}

There is only one thing that I fear more than death by quicksand: THE DENTIST.

Well, the good news was, mere moments after my arrival, they sent me back home. The bad news was, they told me that it was because my health insurance had been cancelled. Uh, WHAT?! I had also scheduled a doctor's appointment for 8:30am today, but since my insurance company didn't take calls till 8:30am...I sat in the lobby of my NEXT appointment, dozing off until 8:30am - I called and let me tell you, if I had a dollar for every time I heard "Interesting...I've NEVER seen this before!" I would be able to buy 17 new transmissions for my car.

Turns out, some of my paperwork got lost in the New Year's kashuffle* and I now have to pay 100% out of pocket during January, and then get reimbursed by my insurance company when all the "dust settles." Yah, right - since I've got so much money laying around these days! So I ditched my appointments and cancelled my leg surgery scheduled in 2 weeks. Awesome.

By this time, I was STARVING, so I figured I should grab lunch at Subway. When I pulled in, I was dumbfounded they were closed until I realized it was only 9:45am. I get it. Normal people don't get up at 4am. Whatev. I'll just putter home in my smog-breathing station wagon...

During this time of chaos and confusion, I find myself dwelling on the wisdom of Solomon in 250 BC {and later by The Byrds in 1965} that "There is a season...a time to weep and a time to laugh. A time to mourn and a time to dye your hair red..." {italics added}

That's right. Desperate times call for desperate measures. I feel that the best thing for me to do under pressure is to impulsively dye my hair red. Really, when I think about it, this new do can be my secret symbol of hope. Hope that by the time my roots start to show in about 8 weeks, these problems will be behind me...

*kashuffle - a made up word that sounds just a bit cooler than "shuffle"

Sam I Am

2010-01-04T21:15:00.000-08:00

This is Sam.

His voice sounds like Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Ex: {in deep, manly voice} "Me want Hot Co Co."

Apparently I was taking a bit too long getting bundled up, as this is how I found Sam the other day. Slumped sleepily outside, patiently waiting for his pokey-nanny :)

It's not MY fault!

2010-01-03T17:04:00.000-08:00

That's the book I'm reading right now. "It's not my fault!" Who WOULDN'T want to read something with that title? Let me fill you in on Catastrophe #5,783...

Within a month, I ~~put~~ dumped $700 into fixing my car. Last week, the transmission blew. Cost to fix it? Around $2,000. Amount the dealership said they'd give me on a trade in? $500.

Kind friends lent me their car. Well, um {nervous laughter}, it won't start. Today, when my "back-up car" wouldn't start for the 2nd time, I drove MY driving-hazard {aka. station wagon} to a baby shower. Well, I TRIED to get to the baby shower. It was 45 minutes away. After driving for almost an hour, I was not even half way there. Interestly enough, cars with bad transmissions don't go over 31mph on the freeway. Found that one out the hard way. So I was forced to turn on my hazards, turn around, and drive the hour home. I've been checking out some cars to replace this one, however during tough financial times, it is difficult to picture how I can take this next step...

In a currently stressful time of life, I have been seeking ways to try and "keep my cool" {the goal of my life!}. Over the past week, I have come face-to-face with powerful words of encouragement - and not ones that I expected. Some people have been saying, "Wow, I just can't wait to see how God provides for you during this time!" I reply with a grim, "Yeah, I can't wait either. Literally God, I CAN'T WAIT ANY LONGER! I have no car{s}!!! No money!!! And no more contact solution!!!" {luckily, that one was an easy fix}

The book "It's Not My Fault" by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend has recently been kicking my butt into GO-mode. One of many real-life examples include a woman who was having marital problems. She said, "I've tried EVERYTHING to solve this problem, and NOTHING helps!" With my empathetic heart, I would have sadly shaken my head and told her I was so sorry to hear that. Then again, empathy is not always a gift. These cut and dry authors take a different approach. They ask questions like, "So, what exactly is "EVERYTHING?" and "What do you mean by "TRY?"

In my case, I would argue the fact that I have been trying for a good year to save cash for a new car, but every time the bank account starts moving UP, something goes wrong and I have to pay out hundreds to fix it. I would argue that I have been a full-time student, barely making ends meet as it is, but working hard to pay bills while taking classes. I would argue that I have humbled myself into asking friends for rides, and been even more humbled to borrow a car. I would argue that I just plain old have bad luck. I've even picked up extra side jobs to try and push through and save more. It's not MY fault that I am facing this dillema. I've done everything that I can do!!!! I mean really, I've TRIED!

Really? EVERYTHING?

Conviction sets in. Sometimes being the victim seems like the only outlook. Sometimes throwing in the towel and being mad that God doesn't provide feels so right. But then again, words from the message at church today told me, "Do EVERYTHING you can...and THEN God will do everything that He can."

The truth is, I haven't taken the bus to work yet. And while I very well may have to leave 3 hours before my arrival time, hey, sometimes you have to try EVERYTHING. I've been wanting to save for a car that will last me for the long haul. But maybe "trying everything" means getting a $1000 clunker to get me through the winter. Trying everything might include trading facials for car rides from friends for a couple months so my feet can hit the ground running. Trying everything might mean selling some things that I really love so that I can someday live how I want to live.

At this moment, I am not sure what "trying everything" really means...but I am very inspired to find out. And I really do believe that after I do everything that I can, God will then do everything He can.

Oh, and just for the record, the drawer that broke off in my kitchen today was SO not my fault! I mean, those scissors in my hand just had a such a mind of their own...Geez...

I Don't Resolute.

2010-01-01T21:47:00.000-08:00

If there was ever to be a New Year's Resolution's Grinch, it would be ME. {note my mad photoshop skills above} It all began a long, long time ago...365 days to be exact...when I sat down to write my 2009 New Year's Resolutions. Yet as I began to write, the bitterness began to rise. Wasn't Number 4 on my list last year? And hey, what's with Number 6? That one's been on my list since '97! And don't even get my started on Number 2 - that resolution should be BANNED from resolution lists around the world!

January 1st always brings high-hopes of turning over a new leaf, feelings of "this is THE year!", and an energy that could spark a wildfire. You know what I say to that? HUM-BUG! No wait, that's Scrooge. What does the Grinch say again? Oh yeah, "Hate, hate, hate. Hate, hate, hate. Double Hate. LOATHE ENTIRELY!"

Speaking from personal experience, this so-called New Year's Wildfire sizzles down to a mere smoke-curl by March...at best. New Year's Resolutions don't leave room for "progress" - example: My friend decided she was going to stop biting her nails. For 11.7 months she experienced success...until she got to finals week, freaked out, and bit them all off. According to her New Year's Resolution, she failed, despite over 11 months of success. As the old saying goes, "She threw out the baby with the bathwater."

Then there is the typical "health" NYR's. It's a bit comical {and annoying} how PACKED the workout facility is at my complex for the first 2 weeks of January. By the 15th, however, you are guaranteed first pick on the line of treadmills and bikes. It is strange to me that we don't question this phenomenon. It is strange to me that instead of wondering "What is wrong with this whole 'Resolution' thing?" we begin to wonder "What is wrong with ME?!" Now don't get me wrong - I'm not against the idea of bettering one's self. What I AM against, is battering one's self. Looking at the 99 things wrong instead of focusing on the 1 thing we did right.

So back to January 1st, 2009. I tore up my list of New Year's Resolutions and instead took a moment to reflect. I aked God to bring to my mind a word - just one word - that would become my theme for the year. I would tie no goals to the word. I would not attach expectations to it. You see, with a ONE WORD theme, I could constantly ask myself throughout the year, "How are you doing with _______?" There was no ultimatum of success or failure, just a striving to let this theme infiltrate my life.

I LOVED it.

The past few weeks I've spent some time praying over what my theme word is for 2010. After thoughtful consideration, my theme has been selected and I'm so excited to see the ways in which I am changed once again. But I'm not THAT excited - not like "wildfire energy" excited. I'm keeping my cool. Alright fine, I'M EXCITED!

Snowshoe Adventures

2009-12-31T16:36:00.000-08:00

I like to think that I am good at giving gifts that is totally "them" - as in, the gift isn't necessarily something I would pick for myself, but instead something I know that person would really love. Well, several years ago, I confess that I slipped a bit in my thoughtfulness. I had found a pair of snowshoes for 50% off at REI and knew that I could not let this offer pass me by. My only dillema was that, once purchased, I had nobody to go with.

Cue sneaky thoughts.

I realized that not only was Christmas coming up, but also my friend Ann Marie's birthday. I gave her a call and said that I had found some snowshoes for 50% off and that I would give her 1/4 of them for Christmas, 1/4 for her birthday, and then she owed me the other 1/2. I must be good at sales, because she took my offer and I made the purchase.

Over the past few years, I have been able to put them to great use. Example: when there was a major snowstorm and nobody had come to plow where I lived, trapping me when I had to get to the bank. Answer - SNOWSHOE TO THE BANK! As fun as the Jenni Adventures are flying solo, none can compare to the annual "Jenni and Ann Marie Get Lost in the Woods...AGAIN!" saga. Quick "jaunts" turn into long hours, sweaty brows and comments such as "I swear this is the right route!"

This Christmas we were not disappointed as the 3 of us (me, Ann Marie, and her child within!) trudged through the falling snow. Always good memories...and ALWAYS a good workout!

Belated Christmas Gift to YOU!

2009-12-30T18:50:00.000-08:00

Christmas morning at the Carlson Home smells AMAZING. I suppose if I were not born without a sense of smell, I would actually be able to ENJOY the fact that it smells amazing...yet I know that my taste buds are just that much more surprised when they bite into the yummy quiche and sweet rolls! {and YES, I know what you're thinking...I CAN still taste even though I can't smell}

My mom's quiche/egg bake was awesome...in fact, it tasted similar to my own {fine, Pampered Chef's} quiche that I frequently make. As my belated Christmas gift to you, here is my TOP SECRET {fine, Pampered Chef's} Sunrise Oven Omelet recipe! Mmmmm...TO DIE FOR!!! The crust is made out of eggo waffles :)

~~Jenni's~~ Sunrise Oven Omelet

16 mini frozen eggo waffles, thawed

3/4 cup frozen chopped broccoli, thawed

1/2 cup chopped red bell pepper

1/4 cup green onions with tops, chopped

1 cup (4 oz) shredded cheddar cheese, divided

1 cup small curd cottage cheese

1/4 cup all-purpose flour

6 eggs, divided

1/3 cup milk

1/2 tsp salt

1/8 tsp ground black pepper

1. Thaw waffles at room temp for 10 minutes. Preheat oven to 375F. Spray pie plate with nonstick cooking spray. Drain broccoli on paper towel. Chop bell pepper and green onions. Combine all three with 3/4 cup of the cheddar cheese; mix gently.

2. Sprinkle veggie mixture evenly over bottom of pie plate. Arrange waffles, slightly overlapping, around edge of pie plate; press lightly into veggie mixture.

3. In another bowl, whisk cottage cheese, flour and 1 egg until well-blended. Whisk in remaining eggs, milk, salt and pepper; pour over veggie mixture.

4. Cover edge of waffles with 2-3 inch wide strips of aluminum foil. Bake 45-50 minutes or till knife is insterted into center and comes out clean. Remove from oven; sprinkle remaining cheddar cheese on top and let stand 5 minutes. Cut into wedges and serve! {yields 8 servings}

Hand Over the Keys

2009-12-29T14:45:00.000-08:00

Lately I've been pondering a question we have ALL asked ourselves at one point or another. It is a question that deserves thoughtful consideration and in which there seems to be no easy answer to. The question?

If I found a genie in a lamp, what 3 wishes would I make?

Of course there is the given, "World Peace" wish number one. Then there is the typical wish number two, "$_______" {enter requested dollar amount there}. Which leaves me with one wish left. Today, my decision for wish number three was not a difficult one. I wish that my car would grow a neck. Why? So I could WRING IT!!! Violent? Perhaps. Understable? Absolutely.

Just a few weeks ago, after a friend of mine generously offered her husband's talents to fix my brakes and windshield wipers for $150, something else under the hood discombobulated {I have no idea what that means - it's just such a fun word to say!} wreaking havoc on my "New Car Savings Account", stripping me of an additional $530. I have had my car back for less than two weeks and when I went out to start it I noticed it WILL NOT GO IN REVERSE now! Another car-friend of mine said that it was the transmission. Which would explain why I could not go over 30MPH ON THE FREEWAY YESTERDAY!!!!

As you can imagine, the frequency of these mishaps have left my muscles sore {pushing my car, ALONE, out of garages and parking spaces} and BROKE {my bank account, not my bones...yet!}. While I do have a selfish desire to whine and take a sledgehammer to that little piece of....{deep breath}...anyways, like I was saying, it is tempting to focus on the negatives of starting my supposedly "stress free month" with yet another car dilemma. It is tempting to panic and wonder how bills will be paid and gray-hair will be avoided.

I have worked really hard to pay off all debt in my life {besides the ever-looming school loans!}, and was so proud of myself to be saving to buy a car with CASH ~ in a recent moment of panic and a teeny-tiny bit of blame-shifting, I prayed, "Sooooo, NOW WHAT?! Aren't you supposed to keep my car in perfect working condition to honor my diligence in trying to pay cash? Isn't that the way you work? I scratch your back, you scratch mine? I do things YOUR way, and in return, you do things MY way? Isn't that the way you work?"

Dead silence. I could tell my accusing finger was pointing in the wrong direction. Like perhaps, at God instead of at my own heart. Within the day, a friend of mine had heard of my car troubles and said, "I'll drive my work truck and you can borrow our car till you get things figured out!" A generous offer, considering the gas mileage comparison of the two.

In a moment of humility, I was handed the key, and gently reminded that God's answer was NO. No, I don't do things YOUR way. And believe me, you don't want me to...

Hot Vacation Spot: MINNEAPOLIS!

2009-12-28T11:33:00.000-08:00

I recently recieved a reminder in the mail that my driver's license expires this February. Initially I scoffed at their ignorance, as I clearly remember JUST getting a new one recently when I lived in Oregon. It is a hard photo to forget, as I had just acquired adult braces and a bowl cut. However, it did not take me long to remember that it has been over FOUR YEARS since I lived out there!

The friendships I made out there were so deep, so rich, so wonderful. Well, at least I THOUGHT they were great friends - but as much as I try to paint Minnesota as a "hot vacation destination" for them so that they come and visit, weather.com always seems to get the better of them...until last week!

Meg, one of my dear roommates from out West, came for a visit. She's one of those friends where it seems that miles don't matter, and time apart has no effect on our ability to start where we left off. We stayed up way too late, ate way too many truffles, and talked for hours on end. Of course, no "Jenni Sleepover" is complete without pulling out the Aveda products for facials as well! As sad as I was to see her go, it was SO FUN catching up and also having a friend who has seen where I live! Thanks Megsies :)

Problems? I have no problems!

2009-12-27T11:42:00.000-08:00

I admit it. I am PERFECT. (it's opposite day) I have NO PROBLEMS. (denial?) My life is ALWAYS easy. (gag reflex) And there is never a day that I don't wake up and handle life's curve balls with grace, charm, and a confident hair flip. (oh puh-lease!)

Alright fine. You caught me. The truth is, this Fall has been less than easy. There came TWO times in which my eyeballs felt like they were just rolling around in my head, and my brain was so foggy, and my body was performing in such slow motion that I said to myself, "I think I am about to experience in full what a real, psychological, put-me-in-the-looney-bin, nervous breakdown feels like." The expression "hanging by a thread" was my reality for 4 solid months. Where's a paper bag to breathe into?! Just the memories of those days makes my blood pressure rise!

I knew the end was in sight. I knew that the combination of 3 leg surgeries, 4 speaking engagements, 14 undergrad credits, working anywhere from 40-60 work weeks, putting on a boutique with thousands (if not 20!) vendors, writing 3 magazine articles, being a bridesmaid/planning showers in an out-of-state wedding, the pressure of finals, my laptop crashing DURING finals, my car breaking down DURING finals, the $530 of unexpected repairs, demands of a social and family agenda, and weekly medical treatment on other ailments...The word "NO" was said often, but even so, the word "NO" was not enough to save me from an eye twitch and chronic stress related headaches!

Now here I sit with a medium soy almond latte warming my hands and the thought of January warming my heart. Weird, huh? Who would have thought that a Minnesotan could crave JANUARY so badly?! You see, through my stress there is one word that has kept my feet moving, my brain functioning and my heart beating: JANUARY. I have had a secret plan all along to run away during January and do all things that make my heart come alive once more.

I have been stockpiling Aveda giftcards to get a massage AND a facial (satisfied sigh). My snowshoes and cross country skiis are shined and sharpened, ready to hit the trails and breath deep the non-library air. My money has been saved so that I could take a week off of work to "vacation" - 4 days in Chicago with my friend Melissa+5kids+her sister Rachel+husband+1 kid and then 3 days in International Falls, MN with my cousin to run the Freeze Yer Gizzard in a Blizzard 5K. Well, she'll be running, I'll be crawling. I cut back my weekly work load, and my secret plan involves going to READ at a coffee shop 1x week. READ. No laptop, cellphone, studying...just me, a book, and coffee.

The reason I write all of this is not only to make you jealous, but also to say that there is one other thing I've missed dearly. Blogging. Whether you read or not, I will be writing a post-per-day in January. I love to write. I love to blog. And I've missed it!

So readers, I guess I'll see you later. No wait, I'll see you tomorrow!

Personal Shoppers Needed!

2009-12-17T13:29:00.000-08:00

I have had the same pair of glasses for 5-6 years now...although they have been good to me, they are falling a part! I recently snagged a 30% off of frames AND lenses but I've got to make my decision this week before it expires! Can you help me? I seriously CANNOT decide between these two pair - which is why YOU are my new personal shopper! Let me know by casting your vote in the sidebar :) Gracias!

P.S. Note the 2YO I nanny for in the lower-left - he was no help at all, adamantly wanting me to buy both.

Red Wire Rim!

Brown/Black Tortoise Plastic!

You know your life is a bit too stressful when...

2009-12-10T19:12:00.000-08:00

...you arrive at work WITH YOUR BOOTS ON THE WRONG FEET!
...you can't find the Swedish Fish ANYWHERE - until alas, you pull back the shower curtain.
...you go to pay for something in cash, only to realize you only have HALF of the $5 bill.

...and of course the whopping finale: You know your life is a bit too stressful when: you wake up & your car won't start, so you hitch a ride to nannying from your pajama-clad roommate...which is the reason you must walk in the 3-degree chill pushing a double-wide jogging stroller through a foot of unshoveled sidewalk snow to pick up the 5-year-old from school ~ only to see a large mound of snow up ahead, so you get a RUNNING START to cruise through the extra big snow pile and realize, as you are FLYING AIRBORNE over the handles, that you have hit what is actually a snow-covered-curb-while-RUNNING. The small 2-year-old and the double wide jogger are flipped sideways, you are laying in the rubble praying NO ONE SAW IT HAPPEN, when a VERY good looking young man runs to your side and helps you up and a car screeches to a halt and a college kid runs to the rescue...

I want a vacation. And a new car.

Shocking News...and it's NOT my new nailpolish!

2009-12-05T19:59:00.000-08:00

Welcome! How can I help you? Would you like a stress-relieving neck/shoulder massage? How about some tea? Close your eyes, take a deep breath and relax. Kids, lunch is ready! Sure, one more piggy back ride... One soy almond latte with an extra shot of espresso {"Jenni! Sam pooped again!!!"} ...make that ~~two~~ THREE extra shots. Happy Holidays, this is Jennifer, what can I do for you? Yes. Yes! YES! YES!!!!!

Besides working over 60 hours this week & having another minor leg surgery/treatment, EVERY single night after work I had SOMETHING going! I would leave bright and early, then dash to night classes or bible study, or a dinner date, or a class meeting...only stopping for caffeine and gas fill-ups! I don't love being this busy, but I knew the end was {sort-of} in sight. Tonight I went to church after work. It was a great way to end the week...then I practically stripped off my work clothes as I dashed up the stairs to my apartment, smiling in anticipation for what I have been looking forward to ALL WEEK LONG!

For an entire week I have planned to stop at Walgreens on my way home from church to pick up a new nailpolish. Instead of flipping on lights when I got home, I lit candles. On went Bing Crosby, out came the dessert wine and chocolate, and in came the deep breath. Deep breath. I have vacuuming, cooking, Christmas shopping, studying, and bill paying to get done. But tonight, those can wait. Tonight, I've Got Mail. Well, actually my roommate has the mail-key...but I've got twinkly lights and an all-time favorite DVD, You've Got Mail. Don't try to call me. My phone is off. And no mom, I'm not dead.

Also, on a personal note, I found out the WEIRDEST thing this week! I have curly hair. To you, it may not seem weird, but to me, the girl with STICK STRAIGHT hair that grew up not holding a single curl without a bottle of hairspray, found out that somewhere, SOMEHOW, she got curly hair. I'm shocked...and I hope you are too, because it really is shocking. SHOCKING! Alright, now leave me alone - Tom Hanks, Meg Ryan and I are trying to relax here...

Sale! First Come ~ First Serve!

2009-11-29T22:45:00.000-08:00

Posted below are ROUND TWO of my reclaimed-boutique windows! Great gifts for the holidays ~ or one for you! All windows are refurbished old wood window frames, turned memo/chalkboard. I will mark them SOLD as people claim them! Email carlson_jen@juno.com for orders. Shipping can be added to non-chalkboard windows. Happy Shopping!

ALSO ~ check out the side bar for UNWIND WITH JEN...there are NEW fun holiday giveaways, gift certificates, and free hostess facials on spa parties! :)

30"H x 28"W ~ Chalkboard ~ $27

18"H x 24"W ~ 4-Pane Chalkboard ~ $25

20"H x 25.5"W ~ Forrest Green Chalkboard ~ $25

30"H x 19"W ~ 2-Pane Memo Board ~ $17

34"H x 17"W ~ "Rustic Red" 3-Pane Memo Board ~ $22

30"H x 28"W ~ 3-Pane Memo/Chalkboard ~ $35

30"H x 19.5"W ~ Memo Board ~ $15

34"H x 17"W ~ Blue/White 3-Pane Memo/Chalkboard ~ $27

30"H x 28"W ~ 3-Pane Memo/Chalkboard ~ $35

18"H x 24"W ~ 4-Pane Chalkboard ~ $25

30"H x 28"W ~ Memo Board WITH Antique Clothespins ~ $28

30"H x 26"W ~ Memo Board WITH Antique Clothespins ~ $28

Turkey Day 5K...Local Edition!

2009-11-29T15:30:00.000-08:00

I had planned on doing the Turkey Day 5K in Minneapolis on Thanksgiving...however, it seemed too tricky to get there, find my walking buddies, register, walk, go home, shower, make food, and drive up to my parents...

Plan B turned out even better! I decided there was no reason I couldn't just rally some friendly faces in my hometown and have our own walk! Eight brave souls attended the Turkey Day 5K...Local Edition and it was SO FUN. We talked, laughed, sniffled, bundled, and of course walked. With about 1/2 mile left, my dad said that next year he was only going to sign up for the Half-K :) I was then informed by my friend that my {completely unplanned 5K route} was actually 3.8 miles instead of 3.2 - oops! Well, either way, it was a great way to start the day! Thanks participants! :) Next year I'm getting t-shirts, so mark your calendars...

TD5K Participants Left to Right: Emily, Jenni, Mark, Greg, Blair, Ann Marie, Julie, Shelly

Welcome to Wal-Mart, This is Jenni!

2009-11-27T23:20:00.000-08:00

Tonight I was on a cleaning and organizing spree - and I needed canisters for my baking ingredients...STAT. I buzzed over to Wal-Mart knowing the Black Friday crowds would have died down by late evening and quickly located the canister aisle.

I stood there for a long time weighing my options. I did not want to make a hasty decision and regret my canisters. As I was standing there, a phone started to ring. It was the Wal-Mart phone located on a pole in my aisle. I glanced around a bit irritated as it continued ringing...where were the associates? Where were the blue vests? Where were the yellow smiley face buttons? Nowhere.

The phone continued to ring.

And ring.

And ring.

Finally, after about 947 rings, I walked over and I answered it. Yes, I answered the Wal-Mart phone:
Jenni: "Hello?"
Lady: "Who is this?"
Jenni: "Wal-Mart."
Lady: "Is this the Bedding Department?"
Jenni: "No, this is the canister department."
Lady: "Well, are you close to the Bedding?"
Jenni: "Um, I don't think so."
Lady: "Well could you please transfer me to Bedding?"
Jenni: "I'm really sorry ma'am, but I'm not sure how to do transfers. Would you mind calling back?"
Lady: "Alright."

Click.

A moment later, RIIIING...RIIIIIING....RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNGGGGGGGG!!!!!!! Still no blue vests. Still no associates. Sigh. I reached for the phone again, with the intention of putting the woman on hold to go check on what she needed in the Bedding Department and then I thought, "WHAT am I DOING?!?! I've got canisters to purchase!" So I abandoned her. She may have rang all night long for all I know.

My guilty concience for leaving her behind will always be with me.

Sword Fights by Day...Snuggling by Night

2009-11-21T22:04:00.000-08:00

As a poor college student {I say that as if I were NOT poor before I went back to school...yah, right} - a girl's gotta make ends meet any way she can. No, this is not a lead-in to another Stripping adventure...yet. Besides working at Aveda, I also work 2 PT nanny jobs: boys by day...a girl by night. Night and Day fit the description of these jobs in more than one way. I am struck by laughter DAILY at how different boys and girls are. If you are a parent, you know this. Who am I kidding? If you are a human being, you know this...

Just this past week, I was trying to rally the boys for some organized play time. Little did I know how fast the Testoterone Levels were about to rise. Jenni {in a sweet, loving voice}: Boys, let's go upstairs to the playroom for some games! 5-Year-Old: C'mon Sam! Let's go run around naked and gross Jenni out!!!! -That is a direct quote, by the way.

Within seconds, circles were being run around me by a buck-naked 5 and 2 year old. It was the first time in weeks that they were actually NOT fighting with each other, so in effort to keep the peace, I allowed the nudity to continue. Suddenly, they are both sitting on the futon in the playroom and I looked at them in disgust and said, Remind me to NEVER touch that futon again! The 5YO replied with a dumbstruck, Why? As if on command, the 2-Year-Old proceeded to rip a HUGE, LONG fart. Uh, yeah. That pretty much just answered that one.

One more direct quote from the 5YO that I tried my best to not bust out laughing at: I am working on homework as they are playing {still naked}. Suddenly it’s quiet and I glance up. They are both reclining on the futon, cross legged, and the 5YO is looking at me with all seriousness and says, Cute, aren’t we?

Wow.

With all that said, I then go to my Night Job - nannying for a little girl. I arrive to a frilly, silk pajama wearing girl with brown curls who runs up to me, squealing and hugging me. She was allowed to watch Princess Aurora that night, and as we snuggled on the couch together, she sighed at the end of the movie and said, "This is the part where they fall in love." I put her to bed in pink sheets, under 2 pink fuzzy blankies, put a Hello Kitty band-aid on her owie and kiss it, read her stories about "Fancy Nancy" and allow her to apply not one, but 6 coats of glittery lipgloss to my lips.

Sword fighting by day...Snuggling by night. These are just 2 reasons why my job{s} make me smile!

I Wish I May, I Wish I Might...

2009-11-12T23:04:00.000-08:00

It has recently come to my attention that my life is simply one moment of chaos after another. Let me re-phrase that. Newsflash: I am a walking magnet for disaster.

I suppose midnight is NOT the best time to go grocery shopping for a rotisserie chicken. I found this out the hard way. Exhausted, I stumbled into Cub for the sole purpose of buying a rotisserie chicken. I have a busy week ahead of me and figured it would be an easy sandwich/meal maker for on-the-go dinners. Newsflash: They de-rotisserize the chicken well before midnight. I figured I might as well stock up for the week on other necessities, you know, since I was already there.

Arriving home, it was dark. Cold. I had my giant laptop bag, purse, textbooks, a 9x13 pan, and groceries to haul in. AND I was wearing compression stockings and SPANX. Just thought I'd throw that in there for dramatic affect. (in my defense, both are doctor's orders post-leg-surgery) Moving on...

I am lugging (bags), hauling (books), sweating (SPANX), coughing (swine), and tripping (clutz) when suddenly...wait for it...SUDDENLY...wait for it...

...three bananas, two apples, poptarts, pasta, lettuce, two bottles of dressing, carrots, two boxes of granola bars, two yogurts, junior mints, a green pepper, an avacado, and two tomatoes RIPPED through the grocery bags rolling ALL over the pavement in different directions.

I stood there, my bags falling off my exhausted shoulders, and surveyed the damage. Looking up into the black sky, I searched for a star...any star...a wishing star...but all I found was a blinking satellite. It'll have to do, I sighed.

So there I stood whispering in the dark to my sweet wishing satellite: I wish I may, I wish I might, be rescued by a prince tonight. No sooner were my words spoken when headlights rounded the corner and slammed on their brakes. I stood there frozen like a deer in headlights as the car schreeched around me, ignoring my stunningly beautiful brown mane. Or was it my stunned stare at the Romaine?

Thanks for nothing Wishing Satellite. Thanks for nothing...

The Hose Won

2009-11-11T21:56:00.000-08:00

"Jennifer, would you mind emptying the tea pot?" my boss said, busy with her paperwork. We were just wrapping up a long day at Aveda, and carrying our GIANT tea pot back to Cafe Organica, emptying it, and refilling it with water for the next day is part of our nightly routine. "Sure!" I said, grabbing it and carefully holding the weighty contraption far away from my new red, silk blouse. (Some of you already know where this is going, don't you...)
There I was, in the dark Cafe kitchen. My hands were too full to flip the switch, but luckily (confident hair flip) I am familiar with where the giant hose/spray nozzle is. I set the tea pot down and grabbed the long hose hanging from the ceiling, spraying the old tea remnants out...once again, careful to be standing a distance away, arm outstretched, as to not spot my new red, silk blouse.

Once Step One: RINSING was done, it was time for Step Two: FILLING. I noticed the long hose/spray nozzley-thingy had a little clip that allowed the sprayer to stay on...basically like the hands-free setting when pumping gas. I cranked that baby up FULL THROTTLE and clipped it on, thinking what a GENIUS I was! While the tea pot filled, I could go turn the light on!

Wellllll....

Ummmmmmmm....

Er...uh...

No sooner had I let go of the fully-throttled-long-hose-spray-nozzley-thing, when it literally came alive and started waving up and down and around...THE THING WAS OUT OF CONTROL!!! I was diving into carts, under counters, crawling on the dirty, wet kitchen floor that was flooding by the millasecond, as the hose just continued to whip around like a crazy wild snake! I practically army-crawled to the light switch, stood up to run over to the hose, went FLYING across the wet floor that was now covered in a good inch of water, and ran smack into the counter, things crashing and flying everywhere. I turned it off. Soaked.

Moments later, I reappeared in the store, once again holding the coffee pot. However this time, instead of a nice pair of slacks, a new, red silk blouse, perfectly placed hair strands, and Kalahari Clay lipstick, I was DRIPPING WET, my mascara was running down my cheek, and my hair looked a bit like I had stuck my finger in an electrical socket.

Hmmmm..."Jennifer" left with the teapot to go rinse it out. Less than 2 minutes later she calmly reappears looking like she was bulldozed and peeled off the pavement. As co-workers looked up from their paperwork, I gently set the teapot back in it's place. The hose won everybody. The hose won...

The Gift That Keeps On Giving

2009-11-10T21:12:00.000-08:00

Twas the night of Halloween, and all through the night, I laid in my bed, staring at the street light...

{rhyming: done} ...where was I? So, my little sister, Emily had gone to a Halloween party in the cities - I invited her to crash at my place "for fun" - but really the Mister in me {Mom+Sister} didn't want her driving home so late...

In the wee hours of the morning, she arrived, covered in glitter, body paint, and other bedazzlements and I forced her to shower before hopping into my bed. She chatted on about the party, as I drifted off to sleep. The next morning, we ate pumpkin bars for breakfast {see recipe below!} and then she headed home. I hopped in the shower, and within minutes was greeted by these words: I {heart} U JEN!

This sweet message is invisible as I stumble into the bathroom each morning, my hair wild and my eyes squinty. But as the steam fills the air, it faithfully and magically appears! I know it is simple and may not seem like much...but when I am in the midst of a crazy morning, this message continues to stop me, and remind me not only that I'm truly cared for, but also to remember it doesn't take much to make someone's day.

Thanks Em, for the gift that keeps on giving! :)

In the Name of Fall...

2009-11-10T20:57:00.000-08:00

Every Fall I indulge in a Pumpkin Spice Latte at Caribou. The truth is, I'm not much of a pumpkin-flavor person, however in the name of Fall I just cannot seem to resist! Nostalgic reasons, I suppose. Today, however I am passing forth a delicious recipe - pumpkin flavor and all! - to you and your kin. If I, a non-pumpkin-lover finds these bars hard to resist, I have a feeling you will too!

2 cups all-purpose flour
2 cups white sugar
1 cup vegetable oil
1 cup chopped walnuts
2 teaspoons baking powder
2 teaspoons salt
2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
4 eggs
2 cups canned pumpkin
2 teaspoons baking soda

FROSTING:

1 (3 ounce) package cream cheese, softened
1/2 cup butter, softened
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 cups sifted confectioners' sugar

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease two 9 x 13 pans.
Mix all ingredients until well blended & bake for 25 minutes.

To make the frosting, cream together the cream cheese and butter. Stir in vanilla. Add confectioners' sugar a little at a time, beating until mixture is smooth. Spread evenly on top of the cooled bars.

I'm that girl.

2009-11-05T17:28:00.000-08:00

I’m that girl that has to miss the 1st week of a new class, due to that Evil Swine. (flu, not Omar the Taxi Man).

I’m that girl that is 24 minutes late to the 2nd week of class after walking into 12 (yes, 12) WRONG classrooms.

I’m that girl that pulls out her book, and it is the wrong edition…again…because she cannot bear to pay full price for textbooks – duped once again by that eBay bookseller in Thailand.

I’m that girl that pulls out her (wrong) textbook, only to find 92% of all the pages covered in slime. Strange. Hmmmm…She wonders, Where’s that overly ripe pear that I threw in my laptop bag??? Strange.

I’m that girl that procrastinates on taking her “Formal Group Photograph” for design class – so stops into Caribou on the way to class and asks the first table of 4 she sees if they mind if their photo is taken. After they awkwardly comply, it is noticed that one of them suffers from a lazy eye, another is missing their teeth, and when told to “scrunch together” they appear to wince, stiffen, panic and separate. Hope that’s what the Prof had in mind when he said to capture “warmth & elegance.”

I’m that girl that nods and smiles at the Prof, typing as if she’s taking notes…but is really blogging.

Yes, it is true dear friends. I’m THAT girl.

You're So Vein...

2009-10-27T17:26:00.000-07:00

Today was my 2nd leg surgery. It was at 7:00am. Who schedules surgeries for 7:00am?!?! These people do.

As I'm getting taped to the table {once again, sounds weirder than it was!} the doctor CRANKS up Cool 108 oldies radio station, which he and the 2 nurses danced and sang to for the next hour of my surgery. I was trying to catch up on my beauty sleep while laying on the operation table, when suddenly the doc SHOUTS OUT, "JEN!!! IT'S YOUR SONG!!!!" My sleepy eyes crack open and my drool stops mid-drip as I hear...

"You're so vain...you probably think this song is about you, you're so vaaaain...you probably think this song is about you, don't you, don't you?!"

{Get it? You're so "VEIN?" During my VEIN surgery? Oh boy...}

They all broke out in song and dance and I wondered for a moment if I was in some sick reality show or candid camera episode. The automatic blood pressure cuff on my arm began squeezing and they kept singing and then I saw them pulling a wire out of my leg as if they were pulling in an intertube from the back of a boat.

All I could think as I drifted back off to sleep was, "This is my life. THIS is my life."

Totally "Vein"

2009-10-26T20:55:00.000-07:00

What do 2 compression stockings, 4 maxi pads, a pair of spandex biking shorts, and a treadmill have in common?

No, it is NOT my Halloween Costume...seriously guys. Allow me to share today's "Jenni Adventure." {ah-ah-ah-hem - clearing of the throat}

Several months ago I had some leg veins looked at and was told I definately required surgery on 4 of them {2 major ones deep in each leg}. My surgery on my right leg was today and it was EXTREMELY amazing. I was covered in paper and taped down {that sounds weirder than it was} so only my right leg was exposed. I was awake the entire hour as they numbed my leg, literally strung a 4 foot long piece of wire up through a vein, inserted a catheter {IN THE VEIN!} :) , pumped the leg full of fluid, and then proceeded to shoot lasers into it through over 12 {or was it 20?} needle punctures along the entire length of my full leg.

When it was all said and done, the girl put a compression stocking on that leg with many overwhelming instructions, including {but not limited to}: not being able to shower for A WEEK, wearing the compression stockings 24/7 for a week and then during waking hours for a month, strict instructions to walk at least an hour each day, no lifting, etc...

Now here comes the "Who DOES that?!?!?!" part of the story...

The girl inserted MAXI PADS into several spots of the compression stocking. I said, ummm, miss, why the heck are you filling my compression stockings with maxi pads?!?! She said that the punctured holes in my leg might leak fluid over the next week, so I should "stock up." Weird...

About an hour after leaving the building and walking through a busy area along with stopping at Chipotle for dinner, I made a bathroom stop. Examining my right leg, I immediately noticed there was a slight problem. Where there once had been TWO maxi pads, there was now only ONE!!!! I then recalled how one of them was sticking out the top of the stocking a bit, yet I hadn't bothered to correct it.

WHICH MEANS I WAS WALKING AROUND IN PUBLIC, WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN A GINORMOUS MAXI PAD SLIPPED DOWN MY NUMB LEG, THROUGH MY PANTS, ONLY TO ESCAPE OUT THE BOTTOM...ABANDONED...potentially in line at Chipotle...? One can only pray not...

*Oh and to explain the biker shorts, they recommended I wear a pair OVER the compression stockings UNDER my pants so that the hose don't fall down...sweeeet. So attractive.

Jenni's Top "Warm Winter" Tips

2009-10-21T15:59:00.000-07:00

There seems to be a lot of negativity surrounding the weather lately. Guests come into Aveda wet and grouchy...until I offer them tea and a complimentary neck and shoulder massage {confident hair flip}...really the combo cures even the most pre-menstrual of cranks.

Today, however, I want to rejoice in the recent-chilling temperatures. Seriously ladies, {notably the single ones} - once jeans, socks, turtlenecks, snuggies, sweatpants, flannel pj's, and sorels are on, it removes all pressure to keep those legs shaved/waxed. The time and money wasted on shaving gels, razors, and wax pots all summer long are now able to STOCKPILE for you to use at your discretion!

Those are not the only perks to body hair. I clearly remember when I enrolled in the Esthiology program at the Aveda Institute. Day 1 we were instructed to start growing out our body hair for the waxing unit {gulp}. Those were the warmest 2 months of my life...only to be painfully stripped of my au natural state. I had no idea how warm arm hair and unibrows were until that fateful day of WAXING 101. I can practically hear Joni Mitchell singing now, "You don't know what you got till it's gone..." Sigh.

Anyways, if you're going to be shaving and waxing this winter, do not come crawling to me to complain of the frigid temperatures. I will have no pity. No mercy. And no razor for you to borrow.

It PAYS to read!!! {pun intended!}

2009-10-15T21:48:00.000-07:00

I have had a stack of books on my desk for quite awhile now. There are several that are half read, a couple that have yet to be cracked open, and then there is one lone book that I have read several times but recently put in my "To Read" stack once again, as it has been awhile.

The book is called "Becoming a Woman of Influence" by Carol Kent. The title and author have no relation to my story, other than I recommend it. As I dusted it off and then set it back down on my desk, I clumsily (surprised?) dropped it and a letter fell out. It was from the bowling alley from almost a decade ago. Glancing at it, I laughed as it struck me funny that the letter I had apparently been using as my bookmark was an old letter saying that my check written to the bowling alley had bounced and that I owed them $5.00...{oops}.

That debt was paid long ago, so I figured it was about time to chuck the letter, when I noticed the corner of ANOTHER little piece of paper sticking out from the folded letter. Pulling it out, my jaw dropped to the ground. IT WAS A PERFECTLY CRISP $100.00 BILL!!!!!! I seriously have pennies to my name - the only time my hands are touching a $100 bill is when someone pays cash at Aveda!

No explanation. And no, it's not even counterfeit!!! {I checked!} I have no recollection of $100 gone missing years and years ago. Did someone plant it there? Did I cash a check and accidentally slip the money in that book? All I DO know is...seriously people, it PAYS to read!!!!!

X-RATED! {X-hausted, X-cited, X-tremely nervous!}

2009-10-07T21:48:00.000-07:00

Tonight will be short...I am so exhausted! It seems I have been zipping around like a madwoman working, going to school, traveling to an out-of-state wedding, writing, among other crazy things...

HOWEVER...

I cannot seem to sleep! My mind has been spinning a million miles an hour with getting preparations made for the fall boutique my friend and I are hosting in just 2 days! I can't believe it's finally here...we have been creating business plans for many ventures since the 2nd grade (she even got a REAL cash register in 3rd grade for Christmas that we would "play with" - which, um, we are TOTALLY using for the boutique!) :) Ha-ha-ha...

But really, it is very exciting - I am absolutely floored by the creativity that people possess as the cutest jewelry, photos, gifts, children's clothes/blankets/misc, decorations, etc...continue pouring in!!! In just 2-days Miss Mona's Whimsy will be underway and I am so excited slash nervous for the occasion!

I would love to see you there...as we've got TONS of adorable things...and yet, what good is it without customers to find treasures and gifts galore? I'm not pitching my stuff by the way - I seriously just can't stop bragging about other people's funky things!!! My Christmas shopping is DONE thanks to them :)

{Browsing and Cider are FREE! If you'd like to stop by, MMW is located at 6606 Sherman Lake Road ~ Lino Lakes, MN 55038...Friday and Saturday from 10a~8pm}

Sunday's Tragedy

2009-10-05T20:20:00.000-07:00

Driving down 694, I was headed to Cambridge to celebrate my brother's birthday with my family. Nothing could have prepared me for the tragic scare I was about to experience...

Rewind: I had been traveling home from Pittsburgh since 2:30am, running on 3 hours of sleep. I had also been locked out of my apartment when my flight arrived at 8am. By the time I hit the road, I was already feeling a bit dazed. I was nearing my exit when all of a sudden, a little black car in front of me flew at 70 miles per hour off the highway and deep into the ditch, flipping over and over and over and over again. All I could think as I whipped over to the side of the road was, "I am watching people die right now. I can't believe I'm watching people die."

When it finally stopped flipping, it was upside down. Running as fast as my body could carry me down the steep grade, through the mud, grass and shattered glass and metal I, with another man, were the first to the vehicle. I could see nothing from the driver's side except an arm. CALL 911 I shouted to a girl who was running down the hill.

The car was crushed so low that it was impossible to access it or see inside. Something inside of me said, "This person's not alone." I ran to the other side of the car and pressed my face up against the back window only to see two screaming children (one baby) hanging upside down, completely trapped. "There's babies in the back!" I yelled to the other first responder on the other side of the vehicle.

I was so scared that I was about to watch these people die. We could not get to them and I felt like if we didn't act fast, the car might blow up and the memory of those screaming babies would haunt me forever. We busted into the only access point possible: the rear door on the driver's side. From there, we saw a woman, white as a ghost, twitching and staring at us. The men found a way to pull her out and carry her a distance away. When she was out, I saw part of a man's body, also white as a ghost, with his face covered in blood. He was trapped and we could not reach him.

We started working on the baby girl. We freed her and carried her to her mom. The little 4-year old boy was difficult to reach, but soon he was in my arms, squeezing me almost as tightly as I was squeezing him. I sat holding him so tightly in the wet grass, surrounded by pieces of their car, shattered glass, and covered in dirt and mud for the next hour. He just sat there, nestled close to me - a feeling I will never forget.

The mom had MS - we found her cane a ways away. She was in shock and said she was seeing double. Soon thereafter, the men somehow had managed to pull out the father with a bloody head wound. The medics arrived and worked on the mom and dad in the ambulance for that hour while I just held that little boy in a heap in the ditch. When the medics came to take him, he looked at me with fear...I told him he was so lucky to get to ride in an ambulance and I squeezed him tight as we walked up to the door.

There his mom and dad were in neck braces, bandaging, blood and more, still very much in shock from what had just happened. It was a heartbreaking experience and one I will remember for a lifetime.

Climbing back in my car, my dirty hands shook as they clutched the wheel. I looked again at their car as I drove away, amazed that 4 living breathing lives were pulled from that wreck. They should all be okay. And the cause? ...a mattress and boxspring that had fallen off someone's vehicle, abandoned in the middle of the highway. They had swerved to miss it, as had many other's around us, yet they were the only unfortunate ones to lose control.

Driving home, I felt a deep sense of comraderie wash over me. I have no idea what the names were of the other men and women who assisted in extracting that family from their car. None of us had time to chat, exchange numbers, ask names, make a gameplan, or strategize. It had been as if we had become one unit, one person making phone calls, one person holding a baby, another person holding the car seat in place while another unbolted it from it's hanging position. Still another calmed people down, others gave information to officials, and others gathered strewn belongings. Just as fast as they appeared, they were also gone. Although I will never get the chance to meet them, it was an honor to be amongst these heroes.

Who DOES that?!?! Part II

2009-09-22T15:37:00.000-07:00

Many people have expressed some concern about my previous "Who DOES That??!?! post...questioning perhaps my sanity, perhaps my level of responsibility. Therefore, I have removed that post, and am replacing it with the a responsible (confidant hair flip) yet absentminded (shameful head hang) story for your reading pleasure...

Today I woke up, excited about the day for no particular reason. It just felt like a GREAT day. The clouds were out, my shower singing was off-key...you know, all the makings of a great day! I pulled on my dress and leggings (oh how I love that spandex leggings are IN! Pajamas to work anyone?) My dress was not fitting quite like I remembered...not too small or too big, just...different. However, today was the day that nothing could put me in a funk. So off I went, whistling as I punched in at work...

I cheerfully greeted customers all day long, chatting with people and then after work going to Caribou to study. It was at Caribou that I took a bathroom break. I leaned down to wash my hands in the sink, only to notice a big old tag sticking out of the neckline.

Yes, it is true. I had just worked a FULL, ENTIRE DAY with my dress on BACKWARDS...Seriously, who DOES that?!?!? Well...besides me? ;)

You're Invited!

2009-09-16T14:42:00.000-07:00

Miss Mona's Whimsy's Fall Boutique preparations are underway! Mark your calendars for October 9-10th and come enjoy a cup of hot cider on us! {Hours: 10a ~ 8p} We have lots of great vendors this Fall selling ~ bags/totes, vintage treasures, refurbished items, children's innovative products, gourmet foods, jewelry, holiday decor, home furnishings, cards & more! Pumpkins, gourds, & bundled corn stalks will also be available for your Fall decorating pleasure!

Check us out at http://www.missmonaswhimsy.blogspot.com/ as we will try to update with pictures & vendor information during the next several weeks! Until then, pencil in the dates and start gathering your girls!

Can't wait to see you then!

Jenni & Peggy

Miss Mona's Whimsy
6606 Sherman Lake Road

Lino Lakes, MN 55038

{612} 598.2632

missmonaswhimsy@hotmail.com

{Items pictured below are a few of my current projects - please note MANY other vendors will be represented!} :)

Camp Tahellenback: WEATHER.COM

2009-08-30T19:06:00.000-07:00

Every year my friend Ann Marie and I go camping. After many years of disasterous adventures, let's just say, we would be disappointed if things went well. More memories, right?

In lui of our good laughs, I will be entertaining all 3.683 of you who read this blog with a sweet new blogging mini-series called Camp Tahellenback. I'm not sure if that's a very appropriate title or not, yet, I've never been one to be appropritate...so I figure, why start now?

For tonight however, I will just give a short briefing of our recent camping excursion. Planning on leaving at 6:30pm to get up to Duluth, we left ALMOST on time {cough, 8:30pm - after dark}. Before we left, Ann Marie's husband was giving us the play-by-play from weather.com of our forecast. "Let's see here, 9pm there's an 80% chance of rain, 10pm there's only a 10% chance of rain, 11pm there is a 90% chance of thunderstorms...well, have fun girls!" Snuggling back into the sofa with the laptop and tv on, he seemed a bit smirky, but as usual, our motto remained Rain-Shmain...

We barely made it by 10pm where Ranger Joe conveniently turned all the lights out in his registration office just as we pounded on the door...in the dark...in the rain...Somehow my flirtateous eye flutter was seen in the headlights of his car as he jumped in, and we were allowed into the park.

Pitching the tent wasn't so bad as the rain lightened up a bit. Unfortunately the stakes and the rain fly weren't cooperating, but we were too tired to keep working on it, so we hit the hay and hoped for the best. I had to get up for an emergency bathroom break in the wee hours of the morning - Ann Marie said she would go when I was done. So I found an open spot, not realizing it was the ROAD {good thing it was just #1!} and took care of business. I heard Ann Marie's voice in the trees, which really scared me, because I KNEW she was in the tent. I was pretty sure it was either a Ghost or a Killer and so I screamed and shined the flashlight on the intruder...which was really just my dear friend "using the restroom" with my blaring spotlight on her.

After some good laughs {by me - he he he} - we fell in and out of sleep till morning, in which I found myself in - NO JOKE - a LAKE of standing water TWO INCHES DEEP. It was pouring rain, which kind of cancelled our hiking plans...

Thanks to Miller Hill Mall, the movie Julie & Julia, Starbucks, and Grandma's restaurant, our "camping trip" was a big {and expensive!} hit!!! More historic adventures to come...

Funniest Numbers in my Cellphone

2009-08-26T20:17:00.000-07:00

Gone are the days of phone books and address books...we are now living in an era where "The Cell" is all we really need. In fact, I have recently been surprised by the odd listings in my own personal cell. Let me share some of my amusing finds...

1. St. Paul Animal Control (I don’t live in St. Paul and I own NO ANIMALS!)
2. The Letter “A” – I have no idea who my dear friend "A" could be...?
3. Hinkley Casino – The last time I was there was in 1999
4. Northwest Airlines problem hotline – Sad that I miss so many flights and get stopped by airport security SO OFTEN that I would need a HOTLINE on speed dial!!!
5. Omar the Taxi Man – If you missed the blog post on that one, Omar the Taxi Man is a barely english speaking man that asked for my digits after a taxi ride, and I felt bad saying no...he STILL CALLS (and I STILL don't answer!!!)
6. Identity Theft - Is it bad that I have had my identity stolen enough times to constitute a PHONE NUMBER for this issue?! Don't answer that...

Am I the only one, or does anyone else have some pretty whack phone numbers?

The Best of Simon & Garglefunkle

2009-08-25T13:23:00.000-07:00

I was a little nervous to do program at Castaway's Family Camp {a premiere Young Life property in northwest MN}...for over 10 years I have watched bazillions of people entertain as program characters at Young Life camps and believe me - I had a lot to live up to.

Luckily my partner in crime, Ryan, had done program hundreds, if not 10, times which helped put me at a little more ease! It was a 4-day camp and we definately were writing our scripts as the weekend went on...but people seemed to laugh, and I even had 2 mom's ask me if he and I traveled around doing this. So either people were great liars and tried to make us feel good...or something we pulled together actually was entertaining. :)

Our "meal-time" characters (top left photo) were Tommy Forgetski and Tina Cantrememberson, 2 soccer players who had memory issues. We were both looking for our "long lost best friend" and it was made obvious from the beginning that we were the person the other was looking for. We threw in a {slightly} choreographed song from High School Musical, which, let's be honest, what kid {or 28-year-old single girl who lives in MN} doesn't like HSM?!?!

Our "club" characters {bottom right photo} were the Simon and Garglefunkle School of Music {Jenni=Mrs. Simon, Ryan=Mr. Garglefunkle}. Really I just flirted and hit-on all the dads throughout the whole thing...but we also had downloaded the background music for Bud Light's Real Men of Genius commercials (HI-LARIOUS!!!) and we wrote new lyrics called "Real Parents of Genius" which people also seemed to get a kick out of!

The prime entertainer of the weekend however, was Emily {Ryan and Margot's little girl - top right photo} who has better facial expressions than anyone I've ever met in my life! Being at Castaway with great people such these is always a reminder to me what a gift both laughter and community are in our lives...

...and now if I could only get caught up on SLEEP!!!

I'd post pictures, butt...

2009-08-25T13:09:00.000-07:00

Leaning up against a strangers car probably wasn't the smartest idea in the first place. I was chatting with a friend outside my apartment complex and what can I say...I'm a leaner! So there I was, leaning and chatting, leaning and chatting...when suddenly my butt experienced shooting pain and I jumped up from my position of leaning.

My finger was throbbing too, and my first reaction was that the side mirror I was leaning on had gotten super HOT in the sun and was burning through my pants. That is...until I saw the SWARM OF GIANT WASPS pouring out from behind the side mirror!!!

By that time the pain was really getting bad so my friend and I quickly departed so that I could run upstairs and assess the "damage". Hopefully there aren't hidden cameras in the halls of my apartment because my pants were coming off before I got in the door.

Sitting has become slightly more difficult thanks to the 2.5 (one bee was just working in his stinger when I jumped, thus the .5) welts on my butt, along with another big fat welt on my pinky, making it less than functional for the time being.

I'd post pictures, butt... (ha ha ha...) Pun Intended.

Miss Mona's Whimsy

2009-08-19T08:36:00.000-07:00

...now taking vendors!

Peggy and Jenni's {that's me!} vision has become a reality through their upcoming boutique, Miss Mona's Whimsy. It is a one weekend event that provides creative vendors a place to share their flair. If you, or someone you know, is interested in becoming a vendor, please send your mailing address to carlson_jen@juno.com and a brochure along with registration information will be sent out promptly!

Why Are My Facebook Friends all BABIES?!?!?!

2009-08-16T19:47:00.000-07:00

The other day I logged onto facebook to network socially, as it is a social network and everything. As I proceeded to check my profile, I was startled to see the left sidebar full of strange pictures. If you're a FBV (Facebook Virgin), there is a section on your profile page that shows pictures of a random selection of your "Facebook Friends" profile pictures. These are people you know, love, and have "accepted" their FBFR (Facebook Friend Request). But...like I said, I was startled to see a sidebar full of strange pictures.

I double-checked to make sure I was really logged onto MY profile and not some strangers. Yep, there it was, Jenni Carlson with my picture and social security number (kidding mom!). So then WHEN did I become Facebook friends with a bunch of BABIES?!?!?!?!

I was pretty sure you have to be 14 or 18 or somewhere in between to even HAVE a Facebook account...much less be able to TYPE!!!! Yet somehow these infants took over the internet and infiltrated my Facebook account. Bizzarre? Totally.

It took some time, but finally I began to put two and two together, realizing that these miniature, bald, drooling people on my sidebar were actually all of my friends' babies. Throughout my 3.47 year history on Facebook, I have been intrigued by what I call the COPP - Cycle of Profile Pictures. Let me enlighten you on the COPP...

First, many of my friends began their Facebook journey as singles, galavanting the corners of the world. Their profile pictures were of them climbing mountains, skydiving, biking, surfing, or out with friends. The cycle continues as their pictures generally turn into a black and white photo of them on their wedding day. This picture usually involves nauseating googly eyes, making out, and flirtateous eye flutters. After the newlywed twinkle wears off, a new picture replaces it...usually its one of them at an event with their spouses arm around them...well, you think its their spouse, but you're not sure because they cropped them from the picture.

Which brings us to the next cycle of Facebook Profile Pictures - THE CHILD. No longer are people represented by their own face, but now they are represented by the face of a toothless, mullet-sporting wonder. I have two theories on this, and by all means dear mothers, enlighten me...My first theory is that these mothers just love their babies SO MUCH that they want to show them off.

My second theory {and, cough, probably more accurate one} is that they hate all the pictures of themselves after never getting a chance to A) sleep B) get ready in the morning C) go shopping that they just delete them all off their cameras and are then left with hundreds of pictures of their kid and no profile picture. Thus the reason for all my infant Facebook friends...

The question I lay awake at night wondering is...IS MY THEORY CORRECT? One may never know...

You know you're not ready for parenthood when...

2009-08-14T20:54:00.001-07:00

You get McDonalds for the boys you nanny for and when they ask if they can have some on the way home, you say through a mouthful of chicken sandwich, "Sorry - no eating in the car!"

...the 5-year old says, "Jenni, Sam needs help buckling his car seat" and you say, "Can't he just do it himself?"

...you look in the rearview mirror and both boys are holding a finger up with a booger on the top and you start screaming and drive off the road.

...you use 23 wipes to change one diaper.

...your eyes are closed while the 5-year old is talking, and he says, "HEY! You are SLEEPING while I'm talking!!!" and even though, yes, you are CLEARLY sleeping while he is talking, you defensively retort, "NA-AH!"

And for good measure...you know you need a new car when...you are driving down the road, minding your own business and the rearview mirror just FALLS OFF!!!!!

I think I'm in love...

2009-08-12T07:46:00.000-07:00

Have you ever experienced a time when the love of your life consumes your thoughts day and night...where you spend 99.99999% of your time with them, and would spend 100% of your time with them if you didn't have a bladder?

Sigh. Love. I think I've found it at last...and who would have thought it would come on a shiny round disk? Adobe Creative Suites 4. Photoshop. InDesign. The works.

I find these programs that I had to purchase for summer design classes consuming my mind, body and soul. The way I can manipulate images so that I'm side-by-side with the president, climbing Mt Everest, or rescuing small children from a sea monster is just brilliant. Like a powerful addiction, brochure and newsletter designs fill my dreams by night and my thought life by day.

Sigh. Love. I think I've found it at last...Mrs. Adobe Creative Suites 4 - I think it has a ring to it, don't you?

How thrilling is your life story? FIND OUT NOW!!!

2009-08-09T16:21:00.000-07:00

On Monday, August 14, 1995, The Oregonian reprinted a Quiz (first printed in 1990) entitled How thrilling is your life story? Take it and then let me know how you did!

The Sporting Life
Have you ever gone bungee jumping? (25 pts)
Have you ever gone white-water rafting? (10 pts)
Bonus Points: If you've ever engaged in some other risky daredevil activity (cliff diving, drag racing, road luge, etc.), add 15 pts.

Trotting the Globe
Have you ever visited a foreign country? (add 2 pts. per country)
Bonus Points. Add 1 pt. for every city you've ever lived in.

Into the Unknown
Have you ever communicated with a nonhuman life form? (20 pts)

Fame and Fortune
Have you ever been the subject of a newspaper or magazine story? (10 pts)
Have you ever cut a record or written a book? (20 pts)
Have you ever invented or discovered something, or had something named after you? (30 pts)

Death & Disaster
Have you survived a hurricane? (10 pts)
Have you survived an earthquake? (5 pts for a minor quake)
Have you ever had stitches, broken a bone, or undergone surgery (10 pts)
Have you ever been the victim of a felony? (10 pts)
Bonus Points: If you've survived some disaster not mentioned above (a volcano, avalanche, fire, etc.), add 15 pts.

The Dark Side
Have you ever committed a crime and gotten away with it? (5 pts.)
Have you ever had an illicit affair? (5 pts. per person)
Have you ever taken dangerous or illegal drugs? (5 pts.)
Bonus Points: If you've ever fulfilled some dark, forbidden fantasy too lurid to mention here, go ahead and give youself 10 pts.

Everyday Drama
Have you ever been married? (10 pts for each marriage)
Have you ever experienced the death of a parent, child, or close friend? (10 pts)
Have you ever visited a nude beach or nudist colony, or appeared nude in public? (5 pts.)
Bonus Points: If you've ever worked as a doctor, nurse, teacher, police officer, judge, firefighter or member of the clergy, add 20 pts.

UH-OH! Penalty Section
Do you sit behind a desk for more than 20 hours a week? If so, deduct 5 pts.
Do you like to surf the Internet? Deduct 5 pts.

Your Total: I scored a 98 which means I've lived a "quieter life"...I guess I'm not sure where mountain biking down a hill while approaching a drop-off while going almost 50 mph, nearly getting arrested for suspicious drug dealing, totalling 4 vehicles, or dancing on stage with Amy Grant all fits in...Guess I've got some work to do! :)

Scoring
0-100: You've lived a quieter, gentler life than some, but don't feel bad. We can't all be Indiana Jones.
101-200: An impressive start. Now it's time to turn off the TV, get up off the couch, and start racking up serious points.
201-300: Quite awesome. You are probably known as a "colorful character" who's lots of fun at parties, full of rousing tales and anecdotes. Either that or you cheated.
Over 300: Wow! Consider yourself lucky to be alive. At this rate, you'd better finish that autobiography fast.

STRIPPING: Naked at Last

2009-08-07T18:34:00.001-07:00

I'm not quite sure how appropriate that title is...not necessarily because it refers to nudity, but moreso because I don't "feel" as different as I thought I would after wrapping up my stripping career. Yes, that's right. Tonight, when the clock strikes twelve, I, Jenni Carlson, will no longer be a Stripper. {click here for the full story}.

Am I supposed to "feel" different? After one year of not buying anything new, constantly battling the desires to purchase even just one shirt with a shiny *new* tag on it, how is one supposed to "feel"? Shrug. Out of all people, I guess I should know.

I know how I felt 6 months ago. Terrible. I wanted to quit, I wanted to look cuter than my limited wardrobe allowed, I wanted to go to Target for a new plastic paperwork organizer, instead of standing at my sink washing out the grimy one I found at a thrift store. I didn't want to be a stripper anymore. And I almost gave up.

A few months later after re-gaining some purpose in my venture, I was blessed to recieve a FREE couch and chair from someone I hardly knew. And while they are great, the patterns and stains were not going to be attractive to the potential roommates I was to interview. Setting out for the thrift stores, I prayed, Lord I hate to sound vain, but um, any chance you could provide me with matching couch/chair covers? Searching high and low at two stores, I was tired. I had a headache. And I saw Target in the distance. I'm giving up, I thought. I don't care, I don't care, I don't care. Taking a deep breath, I decided to go home and try to sleep it off. Right before my turn, I passed one last thrift store, sighing as I pulled in. There on the rack was a matching, stain-free, un-faded, did I mention MATCHING? couch/chair slipcovers in a color that perfectly matched my living room. I almost cried...but instead I probably just shouted "BOOYA", running up to the checkout line.

Moments like that were not rare this year. I look around my home and know that what I have FAR EXCEEDS my needs. I also know that I have lived many years of my life not really knowing the difference between needs and wants. I know that because this year I recieved generosity from others, it has on occasion inspired me to do the same.

Funny how 10 months ago I was tempted to start a savings account where I could basically "binge-buy" new things after my year was up. Funny how 5 months ago I started a list of "new" things that I wanted to purchase when August 8th rolled around. Funny that after one year, I have no desire to binge-buy and the lengthy list is buried under piles of much more important things...and how in 365 days I have lost so much of my internal urgency for things that once felt very important.

Will I buy new things in the future? Heck yes I will. {There is one line that I don't cross...and that is underwear}. Am I looking forward to a new pair of jeans? I would be lying if I said that my one raggedy pair was all I ever needed in life. Will I be going on a shopping spree tomorrow? Sorry to dissapoint, but I don't feel any sprees in my future...yet I do feel that this next year will be a truer test of evaluating needs and wants. I do feel that now that the "rules" are gone, I will have choices to make..HARD choices to make.

As I said before, after a year I don't "feel" any different. My parents and I were talking today about a speaker we heard who said that "Obedience trumps Passion" - basically saying that our society puts so much emphasis on feelings and following our passions. While passion and feelings are good, great and wonderful, often in life we must just OBEY, regardless of what we "feel".

This is my hope and my prayer as I nervously head into uncharted waters. After completing a year of not buying anything new that was spurred on by passionate feelings in August 2008, I now nervously walk ahead in obedience. It is now my choice what I do in the aisles of Target, the mall, and REI...so friends, with a healthy mixture of fear and hope, I now leave this stripping business.

NOW STOP LOOKING AT ME! I'M NAKED!!!

Summer in the City

2009-07-20T13:34:00.000-07:00

"I can't believe it's already July!"

"Wow, is summer really more than half over?"

"Time is really flying!"

Ahem, but may I bring it to everyone's attention that SUMMER FLIES EVERY YEAR!!!! This is no new thing people. I find myself going through these same emotions every year as well...and every year I say I will try new summer adventures. The problem is, I usually forget about this goal until summer is nearly over - until this year!

About a month ago I made a last-minute summer goal: to dine on 1 new patio every week. I would like to pass on my reviews, with hopes to recieve some of YOUR favorite little places to eat outside in the summer!

1. Barley John's Brew Pub - I'm a cheater because I've been here before, but I love it! At night the twinkle lights set the mood as you're tucked away behind vines surrounding the tables. The food and service have been really good, prices are fair, and there is often some nice acoustic guitar in the background.

2. Salut on Grand Ave - Loved the atmosphere and loved the "Le Fromage" appetizer (artisan cheese with dried fruit-walnut chutney and flatbread). Did not love the prices (ouch! We even shared!) our salmon was undercooked, and our portions were small (granted, we did split!). We ended on a good note by walking across the street to Cafe Latte for cheesecake though!

3. My apartment's poolside patio - Grilled chicken and corn on the cob, watermelon, lemonade, deck chairs and good friends made this potluck a great reminder that outdoor meal can still be relaxing and cost-effective!

4. Stella's Fish Cafe - This rooftop patio had the sweetest Minneapolis skyline view. I took my little sister, Em, there and we also shared a salmon. The food was AWESOME, and with an extra side item, we both got plenty! It was fun to get such a great view (4 stories high!). The wait was a little long, but duh, it was Friday night in Uptown - expect no less!

5. Arezzo Ristorante - This small Italian place off of France in Edina was perfect! Three of us ordered a pizza and appetizer, so that helped with our small budgets! Otherwise it may have been a bit spendy, but I'd say worth it. They are known for their stone fired pizzas. They had beautiful italian music playing overhead, and it was quiet, not super fancy, and in a cute little neighborhood. If you like italian food, try Arezzo's!

Alright, now where are YOUR favorite spots???

Don't Roquet My Croquet

2009-07-14T21:02:00.000-07:00

This is the story of three young, beautiful, savvy single ladies. Actually, sorry to bore you, but there is no exciting story to report, except for the fact that my little sister, cousin and I tried our hand(le) at croquet. We talked in British accents, which lasted no more than 34 seconds as our Uff-da's soon revealed our true roots.

If you are not an avid croquet player, allow me to enlighten you on the word "roquet." It stated that word several times in our little rule book and so we made up the definition ourselves. Turns out, we were right as I verified the information on dictionary.com ~ ROQUET: to cause one's ball to strike another players ball...

...and strike we did! We tried to be ladies, but it didn't last long. Soon we were wailing each other's croquet balls over the river and through the woods...to the bocce ball players court we go! Despite the heated competition, we managed to make amends in time for some amazing italian food and good laughs.

(well, they think we made amends - however, I'm still a bit sore about my 3rd place rankings. But that's just between you and me!)

Pet Rock, Anyone?

2009-07-08T20:32:00.001-07:00

The other day I went to the bank to deposit a check. On the deposit slip it asks if you want money back - I filled in the amount of $1.00. The teller looked at me questioningly (or was it mockingly?) and said, "ONE dollar? Just ONE?" I said to her, "Yes. Just one dollar please." To which she replied, "Really? Just ONE DOLLAR?!"

It was obvious she wasn't going to let me go that easily, so I explained I had seen a lemonade stand, but I was pretty sure didn't take credit cards. She laughed and gave me my dollar as I sped out the door. The lemonade was just .25 cents, but I figured since there was 6 kids in the stand I'd let them "keep the change." It is young entrepeneurs such as these that make me smile at days gone by...

I was about 7, maybe 8, when my friend Peggy and I sold pet rocks door-to-door. We actually just took rocks out of people's landscape, re-selling them their own rocks. Then there was the time in middle school that a tornado hit our block and the entire town wanted to drive down our street to see the rubble. So what did I do? I made a poster that said, TORNADO ALLEY - ENTRANCE FEE $1.00 and stood at the corner of Cypress and 8th. I got a couple bucks and some really mean looks before I had to shut-down operations.

Today I enjoyed a laugh thanks to a couple boys out to make a buck. I was stripping/re-varnishing my grandma's garage door (not stripping "while I" re-finished the garage door) when several neighbor boys crowded around to watch. They asked if they could help, but I explained that the chemicals I was using could burn holes through their bodies, so it probably wasn't the best idea. They looked a bit dissapointed, so I jokingly said they could wash my car. Their eyes lit up, and they ran off to collect buckets, sponges, and water. They were soon back scrubbing away for hours...at one point I looked over and saw MORE mud and dirt on my white car than it had started with. I just laughed.

I know it's tough to be a kid. Adults make you play all afternoon, when all you want to do is work to make some cash. Mean adults. Well, today I let them share in the fun of Working - and they made six very undeserved dollars by the looks of my muddy white car. But as I drove home, I looked in the rearview mirror and saw the reflection of that dorky girl with the huge teal glasses (ahem, ME!) working her tail off to make some money. And I smiled. Some things never change.

Pet rock anyone? ;)

Inspiration, Not Persperation

2009-07-08T20:30:00.001-07:00

http://www.stservicemovie.com/

Asbestos I Can

2009-06-30T21:01:00.000-07:00

The old farmhouse floorboards creaked beneath our feet. We pushed aside cobwebs as we ducked into darkened rooms. With crowbars and hammers in hand, my friend Jill and I took the winding staircase up to the second floor. We seperated, and suddenly the door that conjoined the rooms we were in swung shut and locked! Gulp. Lucky for me, I found another door in the room that led me to my safe escape. Phew. THAT was close.

Her husband's business partner owns some land with an old farmhouse on it. To the average person, the house appears to be filled with asbestos and sick green shag carpet. To the highly-trained eye, we had struck gold. The house is to be demolished tomorrow, so Jill and I met with our tools and flashlights at dusk and rolled up our sleeves.

The lawn soon became our display case, as we laid out old doors, shutters, doorknobs, hardware, old windows, and funky kitchen drawers. The basement door was like a magnet that pulled us close, but we didn't dare enter without a male sacrifice - er, uh - I mean male protector. Jill's husband came to our rescue, leading the way with our flickering flashlight. It was more like a cellar, with big boulders piled to make a cavelike room. A lone board seemed to hold up the entire ceiling - I found this out when I leaned on it, and it moved...along with the floorboards above our heads!

Canning jars filled with rotting pickles and tomatoes lined the shelves. We made it out without being eaten alive by the killer rats that were obvious inhabitants. We also made it out with a cool old lantern and some really cool jars (minus the rotting food). What will we do with our junk, you ask? The possibilities (for the highly-trained eye) are endless!!!

Thanks for the adventure Jill! My next project is to vacuum out my car "asbestos" I can...(har-har-har...)!

I'm Contingent

2009-06-27T10:54:00.000-07:00

In 2007 I started working at an Aveda store for the holidays. I recieved several hundred dollars worth of product, along with a sweet discount. Even after quitting to take a full-time job, I kept my "contingent status" - meaning they could call me to fill in here and there.

I heart "contingent status." Why? Because I only work 1 day a month (at most), but every time I show up, I leave with FREE PRODUCT. Sometimes it's a bag full of the test-bottles that they replaced. Sometimes it's fabulous discontinued products they can no longer sell. Once I even got paid to "donate some facials" for Earth Month ("paid" to "donate" - shrug), and was given $100 of products.

Yesterday was no different. My very favorite shampoo/conditioner is Aveda Damage Remedy, which is, of course, the most expensive shampoo/conditioner set. They had a litre of each (shamp.cond.) they opened to squirt out a sample for...then didn't need it. So, not only did I get paid for a day of giving make-up aps and hand massages, I also got an $84.00 bottle of conditioner and $68.00 dollar bottle of shampoo!!!

Don't hate me because I'm contingent...(eye flutter)

The bad news is...

2009-06-26T19:34:00.000-07:00

...I left a chocolate truffle in my purse on a 90 degree day.

But the GOOD NEWS...is that my i-pod tasted delicious!

Give me your tips, oh wise ones!!!

2009-06-14T21:42:00.000-07:00

Is there anyone, ANYONE AT ALL, who has tips on mastering the dreaded "P" word? (P-Word = Paperwork) It is a bottomless pit of never ending horrible stressful haunting confusing looseleaf uncontrollable constant stream of seemingly important (or is it?) information!!!!!!!!! If anyone has found the miracle of P.C. (paperwork control) please, do share! My designated basket overfloweth...eth...eth...eth...

Suffering and Sorrows

2009-06-13T14:21:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling a little down. Depressed perhaps. Things have spiraled downhill for me...and fast. This morning I took my clunky old white station wagon to the shop. You see, I had gotten pulled over last week for my muffler being too loud - and was then ticketed for not wearing a seatbelt. (I had JUST pulled out of the parking lot onto the street buddy! Cut me some slack here!) That's not the depressing part. It gets worse...MUCH worse.

Like I said, I took my car in to get the exhaust fixed. They tinkered. They tankered. And soon, I had a shiny new pipe under my car. My QUIET car. I know, sounds great, right? Well it's not. It's not great at all.

You see, as I drove down the street, passing people biking, jogging, strolling, skipping, and putzing, I realized...no one was turning a glance my way. No longer did I make heads turn. I used to feel FAMOUS as I would drive down the street, making young and old look my way. I was the girl who was used to all the attention...and now, well...now I'm just a regular old person. Sigh.

Not only did my car cost me $327, but it also cost me my fame. Today, I mourn these losses.

Montana and the Jenni Express

2009-06-09T09:19:00.000-07:00

Two days after my littlest sister graduated from high school, my family packed up 3, count them...THREE...cars to drive out to Montana to visit my other sister, Lisa! (to our credit, we would have only taken 2 cars, but someone in MN GAVE Lisa a car that she needed to drive out to MT!)

While there, we hiked at Glacier, went horseback riding, ate some great local food, golfed, went to her church, and enjoyed our condo's big plasma tv.

It was fun to see where my sister works and lives...and meeting all her friends. It makes a difference to come home and actually picture the people and places she talks about!

The rest of my family is still out there...I came home early for class - ON THE TRAIN! I had never taken the train before, but I give it a thumbs up. There was lots of leg room, and there was an up and a downstairs!

The highlight was the Mexican woman who sat across the aisle. I could barely make out her English as we talked, but then when she finally stopped yapping on her cellphone at midnight and went to sleep, she woke me up by screaming and yelling in Espanol. Then she sat up, sleep talking to me in angry Spanish - I tried to respond, but she just stared at me for several eery minutes. I would lay back down and then look over a few minutes later, only to find her STILL STARING AT ME SILENTLY!!! Lots of sleep talking followed, and I was pretty certain she was going to kill me in the middle of the night. I don't know why...I just had that feeling.

I was happy to find myself alive the next morning, and she gave me a warm smile and goodbye when I gathered my things, completely clueless of her near-homicide-attack on me the night before. Although I highly recommend the train for an interesting experience, be sure to bring your own food, ear plugs, a taser, and a couple good books!

39th Annual WWW

2009-06-09T08:48:00.000-07:00

In some circles, "WWW" stands for World Wide Web. But not mine. For one weekend in May, WWW stands for Wild Women's Weekend. And that it is. My girlfriends Ann Marie, Jill and I make it top priority to getaway "just the girls" each Spring and explore a new part of Minnesota.

This year we went to Lake City, MN - just outside of Redwing. We took the scenic route there, stopping in Stockholm, WI for lunch and shops and then made our way to our hotel. We laughed, cried, ate, mini-golfed, shopped, walked, saw a movie, talked, got a flat tire, took WAY too many pictures in a photo booth, did facials, drank coffee, and did I mention laughed? It is always an adventure with those two...and a much needed refreshment for us all!

I'm a Mister?!

2009-06-01T16:10:00.000-07:00

Yes, it's true. Mister Jenni Carlson. It may come as a shock to many of you, but I hide my identity no more. Half mom. Half sister. I'm a Mister.
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Now there's a headline for the tabloids...I can see it now: Girl Claims Motherhood of Her Sister. Or perhaps on the 10 o'clock news you'd hear: We have breaking news - after nearly two decades, a woman has come forward saying her sister is indeed, also her daughter. But first, the results of the Hot Dog Eating Contest at Cloverfield Nursing Home!
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At 10 years old, with a brother of 8 and a sister of 6, we had spent our childhood as the three musketeers. We weren't allowed to have an Atari (yes, I said Atari - welcome to 1984) or a Nintendo, so we played "Human Nintendo." Couch cushions on the ground became stepping stones through "hot lava" (aka The Carpet). I was King Koopa "sleeping" as the other kids tiptoed across the top ridge of the couch without waking me up, in which a big chase would ensue, that usually ended in tackling and tears.
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Our family would take roadtrips to Alabama in the old station wagon to visit grandparents. Mom would make us "Activity Boxes" and in those days, there were no DVD players that popped out of the ceiling. We would use our good old fashioned imaginations, which also somehow ended in tackling and tears.
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Yes, at age 10, I figured my role in life was just Big Sister. Little did I know, my life as a Mister was about to begin. When my mom and dad announced to the 3 of us (6, 8, 10) they were expecting, I started to cry. It was the first time in my life that I cried because I was HAPPY. Until that moment, I believed tears were reserved for scraped knees and spankings. But this was no ordinary day...
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It has been 18 years since I recieved that sweet news. Yesterday, I watched that little baby girl walk across the stage in her cap and gown. I cried then and I'm crying now. I cried at her last piano recital a couple weeks ago. It's almost like I'm her...MOM?! Even though this little punk ate the beginnings of my experimental orange tree...oh, and dumped the entire contents of my first bottle of expensive perfume all over my bedroom...and even though she doesn't have NEARLY the list of Rules & Regulations that I did at her age...
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She is still such a precious gift...my psuedo daughter and my little sister. I must say, I never thought I'd be so proud to be a Mister.

Why is it...

2009-05-29T21:19:00.000-07:00

...that when I try to do this, all I get is a cankle? (sigh)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z19zFlPah-o

Garage Sale Garage Sale Garage Sale!!!!

2009-05-19T22:39:00.000-07:00

ACCESSORIES

HOUSEHOLDS

CLOTHES

FURNITURE

KITCHEN STUFF

FUTONS

HOME DECOR

YOU WANT IT? WE GOT IT!

When? Thursday, Friday, Saturday (May 21-23)

Where? 33408 Lakeshore Drive NE, Cambridge, MN 55008

What? A Garage Sale FUNDRAISER for my buddy Ashley...she's headed to a Young Life Camp in Canada for 3 weeks to volunteer - funding needs are $600+

...donations are still being accepted of sellable items :) (so that means NO to the used toothbrushes and sunglasses missing a lens) Comment below or e-mail: carlson_jen@juno.com for more info

Banging Boards vs. Driving Nails

2009-05-15T08:51:00.000-07:00

For some time now I’ve felt like something is brewing in my life. My mind went radical places, like “Oh gosh, I’m going to have to move to a foreign country where the food staple is giant bugs straight off the vine!” or “What if I’m being called to work as a cart chaser in the Wal-Mart parking lot so that I learn how to really serve?” I wasn’t quite sure which I’d rather: a blue vest with a smiley sticker…or a crunchy bug leg stuck between my teeth.

Recently, however, a light bulb of a different color popped above my head. It said this: You’re a Student, not a Teacher. Huh? I had to rub my eyes a few times (which, of course, resulted in all sorts of black mascara and eyeliner smudged under my eyes). When they adjusted, I looked at the quote bubble above my head. Again it read: You’re a Student, not a Teacher.

This wasn’t making sense. I never said I was a Teacher! Who said I thought I was a Teacher? And by the way, Mr. Quote Bubble, DUH I’m a student. I’m the one that signed up for my college courses. But something told me that wasn’t the kind of student this revelation meant…

Here’s how it began: I was in charge of preparing a devotion for 20 college students on Young Life staff. I had titled my devotion “Banging Boards vs. Driving Nails”. The analogy I thought of was that we all have a pile of wood in front of us…a life or a ministry that needs to be built. Often we take our hammers and start pounding away at our piles of wood - diving into different activities and making plans (generally all “good things”) but the ministry or task just keeps falling apart. It doesn’t hold together; so we hammer harder and longer and with different tools. As it turns out, hammering harder means nothing if you don’t have nails.

I had just read the books of Luke and Acts. I’ve done this once before, taken a day and read straight through them as if they were a novel, because Dr. Luke also wrote Acts – it’s his “continuing story”. I was fascinated by Jesus’ ministry. Although I’ve read all his stories many times, when I saw the whole thing unfold I began to see His radical humility, how His head never spun out of control with details, His schedule never controlled Him but He controlled His schedule. Things got done and things didn’t get done. He didn’t heal everyone and He didn’t heal just anyone. But all the things that DIDN’T get done didn’t send Him into a panic. His touch had purpose, His words had power, and His times of prayer were many and deep. Jesus was good at “Driving Nails”. He took well-thought-out words and drove them like a nail into His wood. Any task at hand was like a nail being hammered with one SMACK into His board. No Banging Boards without a nail. Always one nail, being locked into place with one firm swing.

Today I don’t have any bug legs in my teeth. I’m not sitting here wearing a blue vest (yet!) - No, today my outfit of choice is a Dunce cap. You know, the tall pointy hat that the student who didn’t quite “get it” must wear in the corner. I’m headed to the sidelines for awhile. It’s time to reform this identity, before I start pounding away at my pile of boards.

I’d like to stop Banging Boards and I’d like to start Driving Nails. But first I need to take a little Student 101 - repeat course, actually. Luckily my Teacher doesn’t keep permanent records…

STRIPPING: I'm a Product Whore-(der)

2009-05-10T20:43:00.000-07:00

Whoops-a-daisy...did I write Product "Whore-(der)? I meant, of course Product Hoarder. Simple spelling error. Where was I? Ah yes - products.
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Now don't get me wrong people, there are some things that I buy new. These are what I call "The Truly Unavoidables." In this category is food, cleaning products, and of course, personal hygiene products - which is the topic of this post. Toothbrushes, body lotions, shampoo, contact saline, dental floss, etc...these are necessary parts of life. However, throughout these past 9 months as a stripper, I have realized that even "necessary parts of life" can go from necessity to excessity. (don't bother with your Webster - YES, I made up the word "excessity")
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I have been convicted that I buy more "necessary" items than I actually need. For example, I have found 4 rolls of dental floss around my house...along with 8 bottles of body lotion, and 10 eyeliners. Last year before "stripping" I got my hair cut at my fancy-pants salon and bought my favorite hair product...only to get home and find a forgotten bottle of the same one in my bathroom.
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I am continually amazed to strip away one layer of my selfish being, only to discover another layer beneath it. Each layer I learn something new and valuable. Even though my (non-existant) rulebook says that a new bottle of lotion is fair game in the aisles at Target, I have been working hard to use up what I've got. To squeeze out those half-used travel toothpastes, to add a bit of water to those shampoo and facewash bottles, and to STOP BUYING DENTAL FLOSS!!!

STRIPPING: Miracle Bra

2009-05-10T20:09:00.000-07:00

Nothing says "stripper" like a Miracle Bra! Beginning my stripping career 275 days ago (not that I'm counting or anything), I soon realized there were certain essential items that I really should have stocked up on before committing to buying nothing new for a year. I hate to post about my undergarments on the world wide web, but alas (sigh), I see no other way. Well, except I guess I could just post about my outergarments, but where's the fun in that?

Anyways...

Within just a couple months, I was very aware that I needed a new bra. I have improvised many times this year, patching my clothes with needles/thread, duct tape, and iron-on patches...yet I had a feeling these options would not suffice with this particular article of clothing. HOWEVER...call me an undergarment-snob if you wish, I was throwing an internal tantrum just thinking about buying a used one at a thrift store. (eyes welling up with fake tears)

I explained to the Lord that as a willing servant, I would do ANYTHING he required of me. EXCEPT BUY A USED BRA FROM THE THRIFT STORE!!! Really, ask me to do ANYTHING Lord...just.not.that. Days later I was at the thrift store, when suddenly I found myself face to face with an entire rack of dirty old bras. Grumbling, cursing, and pouting, I pulled out a pair of latex gloves from my purse and pulled them on with a snap. (okay, I didn't really have latex gloves, but that would have been AWESOME)

Then, it was as if heaven itself opened up and shone light on one gigantic granny bra that had it's tags still on it. Could it be? A "used" yet "new" bra, just for me...and in the size I needed?! I never really pictured myself feeling such happiness when purchasing a granny bra. Yet, that day in the check-out line, I couldn't hide my smile. This journey as a "stripper" reminds me day-in and day-out that the Lord is totally capable of fulfilling my needs, no matter how big or how small. And that, dear friends, is the story about my Miracle Bra!

Sleepover with the Mexican Jumping Beans

2009-05-05T09:58:00.000-07:00

My friends, Bill and Melissa, have a PLETHORA of adorable children. By plethora, I mean they are pregnant with Numero 5! I am the proud godmother of #4, who was too young for a sleepover with Auntie Jenni...however, the two "Big Kids" (Ella and Tate) made the cut.

You would think with ALL the activities I had planned, I would have worn them out, but think again! I vaguely recall looking at the clock at 2am in the tent I had pitched for us in the living room...they were like Mexican Jumping Beans doing leaps and twirls over me. To calm them, I began to sing (half asleep) anything from RowRowRowYourBoat to PraiseAndWorship...they were just about asleep when I ran out of songs. Ella wanted me to keep singing, and when I started in on Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, she adamantly said I had already done that one. So, I racked my tired, weak brain and came up with the only song I had not yet sung: Enrique Iglesias' HERO. Yes, I sang "You can be my hero baby" to a 5 and 6 year old to lull them to sleep.

Favorite Quotes:
ELLA: (upon me starting my LOUD station wagon) "Why does it sound like I'm in a boat?"
TATE: "And why does it smell like boat gas?"

ELLA: (from the backseat) "Jenni, why can't brudders and sisters marry each other?"
JENNI: "Well, you see children (confidant hair flip), God created the world so that if brothers and sisters married each other and had children, their kids would have 3 arms and coneheads."
ELLA & TATE: (blink blink...silence...crickets chirping...staring with wide-eyes and mouths dropped open)

Favorite Moment:
Laying in the tent with the Mexican Jumping Beans, I had turned on a movie for them on my laptop. I was half asleep and they were momentarily not jumping, when all of a sudden I felt a big, soft, wet kiss on my cheek...It was Tate, the 5 year old. Then he silently went back to watching the movie. It was so sweet!

Design on a Dime!

2009-05-01T21:38:00.000-07:00

During the past several weeks, the stress has been building. It seems I never quite catch stress in time. One thing happens and I deal with it. Another thing begins to weigh on my heart and I juggle that as well. Finally, one day, something (generally teeny tiny) happens that is just the "icing on the cake." And I realize: I AM STRESSED OUT!

This post is NOT about my stress levels. It's about what RE-ENERGIZES me when my life feels insane. I get creative. That's right. My outlet is to madly start 12,045 creative projects ALL at the same time. My apartment looks like a bomb went off...however, I am whistling while I work, usually covered in several colors of paint, surrounded by needles, thread, (even though I can't sew!), fabrics, cleaning supplies, every item that ONCE lived in my closet and under my bed, etc...PROJECTS. I loooove them.

Today's stress-relieving-on-a-total-whim-project was to give my bedroom a facelift. The dreary forest greens and tans were making me depressed. Since I'm not buying anything new, I decided to use what I had, along with spend $13.00 at the thrift store.

BEFORE: Forest greens...tans...browns...NOT what the Stress Doctor ordered.
AFTER: Blues! Greens! Whites! FRESH!!!

THE LOWDOWN:

* Mirror @ Salvation Army = $1.49 (mixed black paint, eggshell paint, and Royal Red Creme Nailpolish to get the color)

* Blue "Curtains" at Savers (actually a FITTED SHEET that I cut up and hung!!!)

* Blue/White window = FREE from my uncle's backyard!

* Blue/white bedding all for less than $10 at Savers

* Rug (with tag still on it!) at Savers for $3.50

What is that called again?

2009-04-28T07:35:00.000-07:00

You know, when your whole day feels better because you got to see that person. What is it called again, when just a phone chat makes you smile? What do you call it again when you can both laugh and cry just at the memories you've shared? Or when praying for someone becomes like breathing in and out...you just can't help it. What is that called again?

Oh yeah. Love.

Meet Amber, Blair, Emily and Ashley. I met them when they were 12 years old. They are now 21. It started out as just a "hello" in the lunch room when I was a Young Life leader. From there, we've shared more memories than there are stars in the sky. Well, maybe not THAT many memories. But definately as many memories as the freckles on my face. Well, actually more than that, because I don't really have that many freckles. We'll just leave it as "a lot" and move on...

Gone are the days of sitting in a circle, Bibles cracked, discussing high school matters. We still chat over coffee or on the phone (or beloved Facebook) But one thing has not changed - I LOVE these girls. I love their laughs, their adventures, their dreams, thoughts on life, their desire to know Christ deeper, and even the difficulties they are facing - because each challenge seems to bring about a new revelation for each of them.

I know it's not Shaturday, but I'm giving a "Shout Out" anyways...a Shout Out to these women whose faces fill my photo albums, whose journey's make me "believe", and whose names are tattooed in a heart on my bicep. (just kidding...you believed me, didn't you Blair?) :)

The Ironman...or should I say, WOMAN?!?!

2009-04-26T20:26:00.000-07:00

Hopping in my car early this morning, I made the 40 minute drive to the Ironman where I would be riding in the wind, rain, lightning, flash floods, and mud for over 30 miles. The nearest open parking spot was almost 2 miles away, so I had to bike to the registration...in which I happened to meet my new BFF, Becky - a precious woman in her 60's - who was also flying solo. It was great to have a buddy to chat with at the rest stops (and by "chat" I mean, chatter - as that was what our teeth were doing!!!)

Here I am on my way to the race...smiling, DRY, in good spirits, DRY, enjoying the warmth of my car heater, and did I mention I was DRY!?!?!

The rain basically started to fall the minute I hopped on my bike...along with the lightning bolts and claps of thunder. Luckily I had taken the tall iron rod off of my helmet prior to beginning. (that was a joke, if you didn't catch it) The temps were FREEZING and I was soon soaked to the bone. The rain hitting my face felt like needles and nailed me in the eyes on several occasions, temporarily blinding me. NOTE TO SELF: Next year wear swimming goggles!!!

Here is me at Mile 12 - not even ATTEMPTING to smile...sick, huh? LOL.

There were 2 "pit stops" where I was able to "hydrate" myself with some black coffee and a salted nut roll. The pain of my numb fingers and toes was nearly unbearable at each checkpoint. I was averaging 10mph the first 18 miles...and then I couldn't take it anymore. I kicked it into high gear and rode the last 12 miles going 14-17mph - I was too distracted by the bullets (um, I mean raindrops) pelting me to notice that my body was not prepared for riding that fast. Which is why, 9 hours after finishing, I can't move.

Below is another sick picture of me after the ride. I am not smiling. That is me wincing in pain and numbness, however I realize it can be mistaken for a smile. I came home, took an hour long bath, made salmon and carrots, and proceeded to watch movies and snack on Ibuprofen's.

* A MAJOR congratulations to my aunt Kim, who completed the 100 mile ride today!!! :) Maybe someday I will have your mad riding skills!

This May Just Be Goodbye...

2009-04-25T12:55:00.000-07:00

A month ago, it sounded like a great idea. The Ironman Bike Race. Around 5,000 competitors (and people like me, who bring up the rear) coming together from all over for the first bike race of the season.

It's a rain or shine event.

Like I said, when I signed up a month ago on a sunny afternoon, it seemed like a good idea. Tomorrow is the Big Day. Let me paint a picture for you of what is to come...

Time: 6 o' clock. A.M.!!!!!
Temperature: 32 degrees when we start...but it warms up to a balmy 39-ish by the end of my ride.
Rain or Shine? RAIN. LIGHTNING. THUNDER.
Wind: 20 MPH resistance
Length: 30 miles (my aunt is doing 100. bah-ha-haaaa...I mean, good luck Kimmer!)
Wheels: I own a MOUNTAIN BIKE. Several times HEAVIER than a road bike, smaller wheels, fatter tires, and more upright which is AWESOME for wind resistance...um, NOT!!!

If I don't make it, you can all divide up my Aveda products accordingly. Oh, and the $4.29 in my bank account. You can all draw names for my beater car - I just filled it with gas, so we know it has at least a $20 value.

The Gym

2009-04-23T19:27:00.000-07:00

I had an intense workout at The Gym today. My trainer took no time to get started, involving me in activities that used muscles I didn't know I had. Most of the workout involved a huge 40 lb. weight. You heard me: 40 pounds.

My workout was quite the eclectic cross-training mix. First, I had to both push and carry the 40 lb weight 1/2 mile. Next, I had to hold it above my head for 3 sets of 20 seconds. I lifted it up and down and up and down and up and down countless times...till finally I told my trainer I had to take a breather. He was soon pulling me up and before I knew it, I was back at it, this time walking across a balance beam with my 40 lb weight. I had to carry it up stairs, slippery slopes, and rope ladders. We ended our session with a 2 mile walk, in which my trainer insisted that he ride in a cart that I pushed...

What Gym do I work out at, you ask? It's called the Jungle. The Jungle Gym. My trainer? A 40 lb kid. Who said that being a nanny was an easy job? :)

Then there was ME.

2009-04-22T15:16:00.000-07:00

"A face without freckles is like a sky without the stars." ~ Natasha Bedingfield

My family all have freckles. Mom and Brian, the red heads, have plenty to share. Emily and Lisa have them sprinkled across their noses. Dad now has age spots that can easily be mistaken for freckles. (love you dad!)

Then there is ME.

I got nothin'. For years I have agonized over this. Well, there is the freckle on my toe. And one on my pinky. I've got some on my arms, but they don't really count. My nose just has never seemed complete without a few freckles. Tear. Sniffle sniffle. WOE TO MEEEEE! But alas, this story does not end here!

Several months ago I went on Accutane to clear up my adolescent-oil-producing-skin (as a Licensed Esthetician - confidant hair flip - I call them my overactive "sebaceous glands"). The better my skin gets, the less make-up I have to sport around town. Several weeks ago I was out to coffee with a friend. She looked at me with surprise and said, "When did you get freckles?!" I gasped in shock. Freckles? ME?! I thought I noticed some in the mirror, but had told myself it was only a mirage.

Days later, my sister was talking to me and said, "Jen, you have freckles!" My dad confirmed it. Then yet another friend said with surprise, "Wow! I never knew you had freckles!" Me either! I exclaimed with an eye flutter.

It's official. I, Jennifer A. Carlson, now have freckles. (and clear enough skin to SEE THEM!) Please take this moment to go buy yourself a no-expense-paid-Latte in celebration of this monumental event.

Can of Worms

2009-04-20T11:50:00.000-07:00

Sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do to become the person that you want to be. Yeah, read it again...Sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do, to become the person that you want to be.

Several years ago I began to speak those words to myself, a pep talk of sorts. Some days it was as simple as getting up when my alarm went off (ugh.) Definately NOT what I wanted to do, but it led to a day where I accomplished more, felt prepared and not rushed, and started out the day 2 steps ahead, instead of 4 behind...

Other days seem a little more complicated. It's easy-(er) when the complications come from the first half of the statement - "Sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do" - Complications such as I don't want to or I don't feel like it. I can deal with those. The bigger complication comes with the second half of the statement - "to become the person that you want to be."

Now we've got a problem on our hands. It's what I call a "Can of Worms." WHO do I want to be? WHAT do I want to be? HOW do I want to be? WHERE do I want to be? WHEN do I take action? HOW LONG should I wait? IS THIS what the Lord wants? WHAT does the Lord want? Should I be doing MORE? Should I be doing LESS? Am I DISTRACTED from what's important by things that are UNIMPORTANT? What IS important in my life?

Whoa. Brain Freeze. I think something just short-circuited...I'm seeing stars and fireworks. Alright I'm back. Where was I? Ah yes, "to become the person that you want to be." I don't mean to complicate that question, because often it is much simplier than we think...HOWEVER...

Thi weekend I took several van loads of college kids to Chicago for a Young Life staff conference. I loved it, because I used to BE THEM. Eight years ago I was the college kid in that van, going to the conference. I had the chance to chat with many of them about their dreams, their life visions, their career goals and their ministry hopes. Each of them were so passionate, so driven and COULD STAY UP SO LATE!!! (what has happened to me???)

It really took me back to a day where I was bursting with vision and passion to help the world be a better place. It seems age, stress, worries, laziness, the Unimportant, and my to-do list has taken much of that vision and passion from me. Today I'm taking a walk down Memory Lane. The one that reminds me of a girl whose heart was much bigger, whose zeal was much greater, and whose dreams had no end...

Maybe I'll ask Young Jenni her advice. Her advice on where Old-(er) Jenni is at, and the person she should desire to be.

Easter Pics...

2009-04-14T18:56:00.000-07:00

Left: Being the oldest kid (confidant hair flip) I can make my siblings do whatever I want them too...Briiiiaaaan, put on these bunny ears!!!

Right: Ashley, my sweet sister-in-law

Left: My cute mom (also my Squirrel Hiding Foe)

Right: Me and dad...

Easter "Earl"

2009-04-14T18:34:00.000-07:00

My mom reads my blog. She knew the consequences awaiting her for putting a fake squirrel in my shower on April Fools Day. She just didn't know how or when...

On Easter Day I was supposed to bring the salad. I had planned on bringing a delicious spinach, strawberry, walnut salad with poppyseed dressing - which I did make. However, I also made another salad...a special salad. First ingredient: Earl the Squirrel (exhibit a). Then, went a layer of romaine (exhibit b).

Upon arrival to mom and dad's, I asked my mother ever-so-sweetly if she wouldn't mind transferring the lettuce to a glass dish while I cut up some other vegetables. She ever-so-sweetly agreed...(Muah-ha-haaaa!) SURPRISE!

Oh Earl. You never cease to disapoint.

Super Fans

2009-04-09T20:42:00.000-07:00

As a professional Minnesota Twins fan (confidant hair flip), I was really looking forward to my first game of the season. Not only did we WIN (6-5), I also got a Dome Dog for $1.00, a free magnetic Twins Schedule, witnessed a huge fist fight in the family section, and enjoyed some good laughs with my friends Jon and Ann Marie. I STILL have not made it onto the megatron, but then again, I still have not shown up in full blue body paint either. Sigh.

Ann Marie and I were playing the "Hypothetical Game" for awhile - (ex: "Ann Marie, if you could spend a week with the Twins touring or have a one week all expense paid vacation, what would you choose?) So I leaned over and asked Jon..."If you could have the BEST seats in the dome with Ann Marie and I OR the WORST seats in the dome with two of your guy friends, which would you pick?" He chose us (aka The Seats) - so we were satisfied...until about 20 minutes later when he realized we were fully emersed in a conversation about "female monthly cycles" and announced, "I CHANGED MY MIND!!!!" Jon, you were a good sport...ha ha.

Left: This shot was titled "Ann Marie wants to spend $65 on a sweatshirt but Jon says its not in the budget."

Right: Jon, pondering why he was accompanied by so much estrogen to the season's opener.

Left: Our trumpets for the little "Do-do-do-do-ti-doooo...CHARGE!!!"

Below: Super Fans.

My Buddy Earl

2009-04-08T09:55:00.000-07:00

While the "city kids" were doing college prep, the Cambridge, MN kids were taking taxidermy. Coming from a small town, I never had a second thought about the taxidermy unit my junior year of high school.

I take pride in Earl, my squirrel - I gutted him, scraped the fat out of him, shampooed the little guy, snipped bones and tendons out, and eventually stuffed him and sewed him back up. I glued little eyeballs into his sockets, and put pins in his ears to make them perky.

I had big dreams for Earl...and he has never disappointed me. He has been tied to the top of a remote control car, speeding out of a birthday giftbox causing shrieks and screams. He was dressed up like a bride and opened up at a bridal shower. He has been known to scale the fireplace at mom and dad's. He's been found in Christmas trees, tupperware in the fridge, the washing machine, closets, drawers, and peeking out of my backpack after school. Once, a friend even dressed up as a tree for Halloween, and borrowed Earl to complete his costume.

My mom has seen the best and worst of Earl. The worst, meaning the best. Her reactions are just way too much fun, that I can never seem to help myself. Through the years, my mom has resolved in her mind that Jenni must loooooove squirrels, since she did stuff one. So every year in my Christmas stocking, while the other kids pull out new DVD's, I pull out handfulls of acorns. I have a box filled with several sets of squirrel salt and pepper shakers, squirrel napkins, acorn paraphanelia (sp?), newspaper articles about squirrels, among other squirrel treasures.

My favorite however, is when I find them in myseterious places. Such as last week (April Fools Day), when my mom was over...and there just "happened" to be a little squirrel friend in shower after her departure. (and she wonders where I get my sneaky ways...?)

It's almost Easter...perhaps a visit from Earl is overdue? :)

There's this guy in my life...

2009-04-07T11:52:00.000-07:00

Years ago, we'd both be standing in front of the bathroom mirror, I'd be putting on my make-up, he would be shaving. After a moment of looking at the reflection, he would say with fondness in his voice, "You look so good today." I would blush, and say, "Awww, gosh, thanks!" To which he would then look at me with surprise and say, "You didn't think I was talking to you, did you?"

Oh dad. Always there, ready to "boost" his high school daughter's self-esteem! :) I can't complain though, because I know someday I'll probably pull that one on my kids too. This man is who I call when I get a flat tire, need help with my taxes, see a bed in a magazine that I want built for me, need advice on jobs, or need to hear someone say "there is NOTHING that you cannot do Jenni." His glass is always half full and his pockets are always full of $20 bills that he quietly slips into mine...still to this day.

Last weekend we had a great time at the Father Daughter Banquet at the church I grew up at. The food was great, the live music was great, but the company was even better! Thanks Dad! (we missed you Lisa!)

Spring SPA PACKAGES Now Available!

2009-04-01T16:59:00.000-07:00

Click above for details!

Growing Green

2009-03-31T07:36:00.000-07:00

Sitting at the Portland airport earlier this month, I had close to 3 hours to sip coffee and do some reflecting. A girl can only chat with the airport piano player for so long until he stops receiving tips and ditches her…

I have had a strong sense for many months that 2009 was going to be a life-changing year for me. The sunny Oregon sky mixed with the sweet melodies of the Piano Man set a great tone for me to pull out my notebook and process these thoughts that have been dancing through my mind. (dancing to Enrique Iglesias, no doubt)…

One of my favorite characteristics about Jesus was his story-telling abilities…the way he engages not only the intellects, but the soul-searchers as well. On the sandy beaches in the Middle East, he told a tale of a farmer who tossed out a handful of seeds. Some seeds fell on the road…that was no good, because a big flock of greedy birds came and snatched them up. Other seeds fell into gravel, which was awesome for like, one day, till they died because they had no roots. Other seeds fell on great soil, grew and produced a mega-harvest.

Yet there was one other place some seeds fell. This place had all that a green-thumb could ask for…sunlight, soil, rain, probably some nice cattle manure…however, these little seeds didn’t make it. (gasp!) I know, poor little guys, huh? They had all the makings to be great, beautiful, and successful in the world of botany, so what went wrong? Weeds. They were killed by weeds.

The piano man played on as I looked up from my journal. Why do I try and ADD virtues, habits, and behaviors to my life? I make it my goal to add more joy, be a better encourager, be more patient, give more money, say kinder words …That is how I view growth. Isn’t growth “positive additions” to our lives? I looked back down to my journal at my little seedling friends and suddenly thought not.

I am beginning to sense that “growth” is as much taking away as it is adding. All the sunlight, manure, and rain in the world could not have caused more growth in those seeds. They were amazing plants for a moment…only to die tragically from what could have been a simple solution. Pulling the weeds. The weeds that choked out all of their beautiful potential.

I’m no gardener, yet this year I’ve put on my work gloves, SPF 15, and knee pads (I’m cool like that) and have begun to dig some weeds out of my soil. Who knew that growth was not all about adding more of the good stuff, but instead, just pulling out some of the bad? Who knew?

Oh yeah. I guess Jesus knew. (he’s cool like that)

How to Prepare for a 39 Degree Bike Ride

2009-03-28T13:31:00.000-07:00

Step One: Insert cotton balls into ears.

Step Two: Place Crest White Strip over teeth.

Step 3: Pray that your padded spandex leggings still fit after a long and lazy winter.

Step Four: SCREAM when you catch the reflection of your butt in the bathroom mirror...and NOT ONLY because of the spandex...but because there is a potential dead LEECH on you!?!?

Step Five: Hyperventilate.

Step Six: Remove LEECH from spandex buttocks and try dissecting it with plastic knife, just to make sure it is, indeed a leech.

Step Seven: Go biking...all while pondering the How's, When's and Why's of the mysterious dead leech on biking spandex...?

Shout Out Shaturday

2009-03-28T12:59:00.000-07:00

Welcome once again to SHOUT OUT SHATURDAY! - a post dedicated to "one of those people"...

You know, the ones that rock your life and deserve a little credit for it?

Facts: She makes GREAT cd mixes. She loves coffee shops, cupcake shops, boutique shops - basically any cute little shop. She has a red ice cream maker and is a professional ice cream artist in her spare time. She loves the Northwest...but that is only because she's never been to Minnesota (hint hint Kac). She has a great laugh and uses it often.

Gifts: 1. Encouraging! She is a natural encourager, generously lavishing kind words to others through homemade cards, phone calls and coffee dates. Plus, she laughs at all my bad jokes, which makes me feel like a rock-star, even when I'm just your average nerd. 2. Question Asking! She has the gift of drawing people out through great questions - all in a very selfless way. 3. Adventure! This girl goes clam-digging, surfing, mountain biking, road tripping, teeny-tiny airplaning, hot-air ballooning...you name it!

Our Beginning: Roommates in Oregon, we only knew each other 2 weeks and she threw a FULL CUP OF WATER ON ME in front of a group of people! After a moment of dumbfounded silence, the water fighting and laughter began...solidifying what has since been a rock-star friendship!

Ms. Amazing Herself: Ms. Kacie Walter!

Over the Meadows and Through the...GOLF COURSE!?

2009-03-24T09:30:00.000-07:00

With the sun pouring through my window, I smiled. It was my first day of biking season, and I couldn't wait! I ran to the garage where I found my dusty bike, with two flat tires. Convinced nothing could get me down, I walked to the gas station and pumped air into Tire 1. After a moment, it was completely deflated. That's when I noticed the sign: Air – 50 cents. Seriously, how do these people get away with charging for AIR? I greeted the man at the counter – I wasn’t wearing any mascara, so an eye flutter just would not have been effective. “Sir, can I borrow .50 cents for AIR?” He kindly agreed and soon I was on my way.

The (free) air blowing against my face was medicine to my soul. Soon, I stumbled upon a park with paved trails…well, I could see the trails, but I had to bike through some soggy grass to get there. For a moment, I cruised the trail with a smile. Then suddenly – the trail stopped! I could see another trail in the distance, but once again had to bike through some grass to get there. This continued several times, until I found myself on top of a large grassy hill, no pavement in sight. That’s when I heard it…”WHAP!” The sound of a golf club. I could see in the distance a line of people swinging away. I biked harder and faster, hoping I would not get hit. I saw signs for Hole 3…Hole 7…Hole 14…Hole 8…Hole 4…Hole 16...
I biked that golf course for over 3 miles.
I ran OVER a golf ball (exhibit a).
I walked my bike through a sand trap.
I was covered in muddy grass.
I was exhausted.

With my sunglasses slid to the end of my nose, I panted up another soggy hill and saw it…THE ROAD! Unfortunately there was a metal fence, several stories high – which not only prevents golf balls from hitting cars on the road, but it also traps lost bikers FOREVER! I walked my bike along that fenceline until I hit a railroad track…which eventually led me to safety.

My mile-o-meter-thing said I did 8 miles on Saturday. THREE of those were on a golf course. ONE of those was walking my bike along a fenceline. And FOUR of those miles were actually enjoyed on real trails, passing real humans, without golf clubs. Now THAT’S what I call cross-training!

Jenni from the Blog: A Theatrical Performance

2009-03-20T12:52:00.001-07:00

Curtain Opens.

It is a beautiful day, the sun is shining, and Jenni is walking to a coffee shop, holding a coffee tumbler filled with pictures of great friends and memories. Smiling to herself, she picks up her pace and begins to ponder her beautiful coffee tumbler for much longer than necessary, but she couldn't help it...

"Wow (smiling), I don't think I've ever recieved a gift as thoughtful as this photo coffee tumber. I mean, it really is the PERFECT gift! I LOVE this tumbler..."

(continues walking and examining tumbler)

"Seriously, the pictures make me feel in a good mood, it holds excellent beverages, and it reminds me to be thankful every time I use it. It is creative, and colorful, and just SO THOUGHTFUL!"

(continues to mentally rave to herself about her love for her tumbler)

"I should really start making these for friends' birthdays...(stares at the photos longingly)...I miss these friends from Oregon so much. I'm so lucky that I have this TOTALLY AWESOME coffee tumbler to remember them every single day! And I must say, my hair in this one just looks fabulous! (sigh) What a great gift this tumbler was. I love this tumbler with ALL MY HEA.......(tennis shoe hits hole in the pavement)...WHOAAA!!!!!!!!!" (slow motion flailing arms)

Jenni stood in the sunlight, staring down at the pavement, where the photo tumbler lay. It's contents trickled through broken shards of plastic. (the following was added for dramatical purposes) She fell to her knees with tears sliding down her face. "NOT MY PHOTO COFFEE TUMBLERRRRR!!!!!" she cried out to the heavens. (okay, back to the real story) She had loved that tumbler with all her heart. And she always will. R.I.P.

Curtain Closes

(Applause)

(Bowing)

Just another day in the life of Jenni from the Blog.

10 Reasons I Smile Today...

2009-03-17T12:13:00.000-07:00

1. Waking before the annoying beep of my alarm
2. Having the window cracked...all night long
3. Nickel Creek while I study
4. Fruit Smoothie...mmmmm
5. Aveda Lip Saver – SPF 15, of course
6. Fog...that turns into sun
7. Finishing what I started
8. Melting snow
9. Sweet phone chat with a great friend
10. Dreaming of what hair color I should have next ;)

My Drinking Needs: Satisfied

2009-03-17T11:48:00.000-07:00

Minnesotans talk about the weather. A lot. Frankly, it's a hot topic in these parts...mostly because it just never seems "quite right". Either it's too cold and the car won't start. Or the rain froze and it's just too icy, causing commuters mayhem. Then there are times when you swear the humidity is trying to suffocate you...and the worst part is having JUST SHOWERED, only to walk outside and have the make-up slide right off your face into a puddle on the doorstep. Why bother showering at all? (well, there is the whole "showering to keep friends" thing, but it's overrated...)

I keep a plethera of water bottles in my car year-round. They are always half-drank in cup holders or on the passenger seat, or littering the floor. I heart water. And I heart it not too hot and not too cold...but just right. (more cooler than warmer, I'd say) The weather rarely cooperates with my drinking needs, however. All winter long, I try warming frozen water bottles under my armpits as I drive (What? Why are you staring at me like that?) or kick the heater into high gear, just to squeeze out a couple drops. In the summer, it's even worse - taking a swig out of a nasty 87 degree car water bottle definately is one way to ruin my day.

However, there is a small window of time during a year in Minnesota, where the car water bottle temps are not too hot, and not too cold...but just right. And that time is now.

Dearest Omar the Taxi Man,

2009-03-14T17:14:00.000-07:00

Please stop calling me at 11:02pm...and texting me late late at night...and calling me "Hun". I am not your Hun.

I should never have given you my number. Why do you think I asked you to drop me off at the Caribou 3 blocks from my house? I take full responsibility for you being madly in love with me. I mean, (confident hair flip) there are many, many men trying to woo me (eye flutter) so please keep in mind your competition is great...

Who, you ask? Well, (stuttering) I, um, can't really name names or anything. But I'm SURE there are many, many men trying to woo me. Why do I think that, you ask? Uh, well, you see, I - well, I can't really say WHY I think there are many, many men trying to woo me...I'm just SURE it's true.

Anways, Omar the Taxi Man - my dad said to stop calling or you'll end up dead. No wait, I think he actually said to me "Do you want me to answer the phone and tell him you're dead?" But I'm not dead, Omar. I just don't have feelings for you anymore (or ever).

Love (not Looooove),

Jenni

Too HOT to Handle

2009-03-10T19:09:00.000-07:00

You may remember awhile back my windshield wiper's motor burnt out. Well, actually I killed it when I turned them on, trying to de-ice the 1/2 inch coat covered in 3 inches of snow. It didn't work. (sigh)

Well, if you are from MN, you know that today's weather was rain+snow+plummeting temps=ice which means, when I drove to the bank, I could not see out of my windshield and almost killed myself, several mini-vans of children and a couple old ladies. I still had a Dr. appointment to go to, so I figured I would just take a cab. Simple, right?

I arrived just fine and paid the man an outrageous amount of money. I had to call another cab home, of course, and I began to have a nice chat with the barely-english-speaking young man.

About half-way home, he asked if I was single. Yes, I replied...and then, with WAY more enthusiasm then I intended, I added, "I am TOTALLY free!" What I meant by that phrase, was that I had no ball-and-chain; that I was a free woman - that I had no man to answer to. Yet even as those 4 little words flowed from my lips, I realized my intentions were missed.

"Me too!" the barely-english-speaking man said, also a little too enthusiastically. Gulp. As he dropped me off, he pulled out his phone, and asked for my number so he could take me out "downtown" sometime. Double Gulp. And because I am awkward and also do not know how to reject someone's kind offer, I gave it to him, against my own will.

I guess my new Black Noir Voluminous Mascara was just too hot to handle...(flirtatious eye flutter)...

Deep Thoughts from a MochaLatte Gal

2009-03-09T16:44:00.000-07:00

Today I was beaten to a pulp by a 2 and 5 year old. I'm not sure what "pulp" is supposed to mean in this phrase, but I'm going with it. I mean, isn't pulp that gross stuff in your orange juice at breakfast? I surely didn't look like that when they were finished with me. Close, but not quite. Anyways, their weapons of choice? A mop and a plastic golf club. It was a simple nannying sword fight gone bad. Well, for me anyways. They are probably still basking in their glory...

I left their house a bloody, pulp-like mess and drove to class. I arrived 15 minutes late, which is pretty much my "on time". The door was locked and the lights were shut off. Either they are really bad at surprise parties, or I missed something. So here I am at Caribou Coffee.

Upon my arrival, I ordered a latte. Moments later the girl with the apron approached me with her little blonde head tilted to the side..."Um, I accidentally made you a mocha! But don't worry, it's on the house!" She smiled and walked away. What baffles me, is that I had already paid for the thing. What part of "on the house" does that make it?

I sat down to enjoy my mocha while writing my paper that had been due tonight at my surprise party - uh, I mean class. Realizing I forgot my textbook, um, somewhere (?) I sighed and picked up my drink, only to spill it's contents all over my laptop, into keys and onto touchpads.

This might just be my final blog post. You know, if my computer crashes or something. Then again, maybe my computer will just be faster now. Caffeine has that affect on people...er, electronics.

OREGON: Moving Mountains

2009-03-08T20:18:00.000-07:00

Our 6 bedroom, 4 bathroom cabin was nestled amongst pines just a stones throw from the mighty Metolius River. We decided to hike to the Head of the river - where water mysteriously flowed from inside the Earth creating a rushing river.

I expected to see a waterfall pouring forth rapids to create the rush we viewed from our cabin window. It made sense that a flow of such force would be mighty, majestic, and memorable. Yet as we stood at the river's head, there was no such thing. In fact, it's beginning was no more than a trickle over some mossy rocks and downed pines.

This is it? I thought. This is the Head of the Metolius River? A small hole in the Earth with water bubbling out produces a current with such momentum and depth that it carved through mountains, uprooted trees, and has swept away land? To me, it just didn't make sense.

Hiking back, I figured what I had seen was forgetable. However, its been a week and I can't seem to get it out of my mind. Turns out, I have found reassurance in that simple scene. Somewhere in the Bible, Jesus mentions that a person with "faith as small as a mustard seed can move mountains". To me, that just never made sense. But that's what I like about Jesus. He takes the teeny-tiny bit that we can give to him, and creates a force that can do more than we could ever dream to do on our own. Today, that's good news.

OREGON: Becoming a Re-Gifter

2009-03-07T13:37:00.000-08:00

Driving out of the canyon, there was incredible sun. It was warm (a balmy 45 degrees)...practically a sauna for us Minnesotans! The tops of the high desert hills were lit up by beams of light breaking through the clouds. Our car rumbled onto the dirt road over the first cattle grate, exiting camp...a 64,000 acre property.

The further we got from camp, the more dreary the weather became. Dark clouds rolled across the plains and soon rain began to spatter across our windshield. The car hummed along the stretch of highway before us, with nothing but land for as far as the eye could see. It would take us several hours before we hit a city, the only sign of life being an occasional semi, wild cayote, or cattle herd.

It was surreal to be leaving the canyon again, and I was struck by how well the weather depicted my departure. For one week I roamed a place I had once called home - a place where light brightly shines at all times. While the light is not always physical, there is an abundance of energy, joy, laughter, community, and purpose bursting through that place - reminding its guests that life is meant to be lived more fully than we can imagine. Yet, with every passing mile marker, the darker things became. The wind, the rain, and the vast and endless valleys were quickly revealed.

Outside of that place of community is a world much like the rolling plains that we traveled that day...unprotected and unpredictable. The last time I left, I felt as if I were leaving the light..that the joy and happiness I had experienced was left in that place. However, this time felt different. Driving into the wall of rain, I felt a new emotion. I felt as if the light was not behind me - it was in me.

The solidity of my "Canyon Relationships" reminds me that for one year I was given a rare gift. The gift of relational depth that I have yet to match in my life. People that are not afraid to go deep, to check-in, to encourage, ask, remember, hold accountable, and "do life" with...

As the rain fell, I turned on the headlights and smiled. I realized this trip has created a desire within me to become a re-gifter. Gone are my sorrows that I am no longer in that place. I feel more ready than ever to give this gift of community and relational depth as a gift to others. Phew. It only took me 892 days to get here - and gosh...it feels really, really good.

I've waited 884 days for this.

2009-02-26T16:41:00.000-08:00

Floodgates of tears and emotions poured out as I said my good-byes in Minnesota. Every inch of my car was packed-like-a-can-of-sardines, the tailpipe nearly dragging. It was 2005 and I was moving to Oregon to live at a Young Life camp for a year...the only thing was, I knew no one. I decided, during my first lonely night with my pillow soaked with tears, that this was the hardest thing I would ever have to do...

Fast-forward 386 days.

For nearly 13 months, I woke up every morning to the same 14 faces. I ate breakfast, lunch, and dinner with these same 14 faces. I worked side-by-side for 8-14 hours a day on my hands and knees with these same 14 faces. This group played games every night in my living room, offered shoulders to cry on, comedic relief, buddies to mountain bike-camp-swim-explore-hike-dine-and-laugh with. But after 386 days, our internship was up...and my car was once again packed like a sardine can, tailpipe dragging.

In my life, my heart has never felt deeper loss, greater grief, and utter sorrow as I felt leaving that place. It took me a full-year to recover from what felt like the death of these 14 people, as we all scattered to every corner of the United States. It was that painful October day that I realized that leaving that place was so much more difficult than it ever was to come.

And now...after 884 days...these 14 people, 3 new spouses and 2 new babies are flying to Oregon to re-unite. I leave tomorrow...and I can't wait.

I promise...it was a KANGAROO!!!

2009-02-23T20:44:00.000-08:00

It was a dark, cold evening. Driving through a residential neighborhood, I headed to the grocery store. Out of the black of night, a large flash of fur, feet, and ears bounced directly in front of my car. Slamming on my brakes, my jaw dropped to the ground. There in front of me was a kangaroo dodging the hood of my car, bouncing into the darkness. I sat there, momentarily stunned and questioning my own sanity. I mean, this was THE CITY...and not to mention AMERICA. Last time I checked, it was a rarity to see a deer in these parts, much less a kangaroo!

Of course I called several people to share the news, yet I was only laughed at, saying no, no, it was only a deer...and, have you been sniffing any sort of chemicals recently? That night, I lay in bed watching the news. I quickly sat up when they said that there was a wallaby loose in the city!

Wallaby's are not the only thing I have nearly hit. Once, a peacock had gotten loose and was standing in the middle of the road, feathers fully spread. I barely missed him, making him luckier than the giant wild turkey that hit my car while in flight...as I was cruising 65 mph. When the feathers cleared, I was in the opposite lane, with a fast approaching semi-truck blaring his horn.

I totally expect to dodge cars, squirrels and potholes on the road...not wallabies and peacocks. Can you just imagine sitting in those driving simulators, age 15 - you're watching the screen and all of a sudden - BAM! - a 20lb turkey flies straight into you?! They just don't prepare you for that kind of stuff.

A dear friend has hit a 20lb turkey as well...it's name is Infertility. That's right, when everyone's tummies around her are growing, when Christmas card after card came in the mail with a smiling mom, dad and baby, when she sits at baby showers watching the happy mom open gifts, she is face to face with the unexpected. Not only is the unsettling, unexpected, and expensive weight of infertility looming, but another unexpected moment came when her husband began having seizures during it all. Add to that the unexpected sickness of grandma and the unexpected sudden job instability of her husband. There are just no life simulators that prepare us for this kind of stuff.

Friend, keep "driving"...the feathers will someday clear.

Double Feature for a Single Lady

2009-02-21T21:54:00.000-08:00

There comes a point that we must make the choice...should I do something I never thought I'd do? Sometimes the answer is yes...and sometimes, the answer is no.

The thought of going to a movie alone has never appealed to me. It just seems, well, wrong. I mean, what if there's a scary part? Do I grab the arm of the strange man next to me? Or what will people think of me? That I have no friends? Or (gasp!) perhaps that I have body odor!

After carefully weighing the potential consequences, I decided to just go for it. Arriving at Showplace 16, I purchased a ticket for *one* to see Slumdog Millionaire. As I sat there sipping my Coke, I nervously looked around at all the couples. What are they thinking about me? That lasted for only a second, as I realized no one even cared. And as the lights began to dim and I snuggled in for the feature presentation, I realized that I didn't really care either. In fact, I seriously REALLY enjoyed it!

Exiting the theatre, I remembered the perky Coke lady told me I got free refills. As they filled my cup I pondered how much I enjoyed my solo movie visit...and how I've really been wanting to see Gran Torino...

So I looked left - then I looked right - then I grabbed my Coke and nonchalantly walked into my SECOND MOVIE! Yes, I'm officially a movie mooch. And I must say, if you have NOT seen Gran Torino, do yourself a favor and see it. (there's quite a bit of strong language if that bothers you, however, it is an incredibly powerful story)

* Double Feature for a Single Lady...I'm giving the evening a 5-star rating! *

Paper Chains...NOT just for kids.

2009-02-19T20:42:00.000-08:00

My career in the paper chain biz dates back to elementary school when teachers would let down their hair and live a little about a month before Christmas. For one glorious afternoon they would pull out the glue sticks and construction paper in mass quantities...it was Paper Chain making time.

Paper Chain 101: The history of the paper chain is thought to have begun in the 1800's when Queen Victoria of England married Prince Albert of Saxe-Coburg-Gotha (say WHAT?!) - a region that is now part of Germany (oh, yes, of course). He brought with him many German Christmas traditions...one of them being the tradition of decorating a tree. At that time, they used nuts, fruit, toy soldiers and dolls, and of course, the Paper Chain to decorate a tree.

Jenni 101: I, on the other hand, discovered the paper chain in the mid 1980's. From that point on it was true love. I have given lengthy paper chains to many of friends as a countdown to their weddings. I have mailed them, stapled them, glued them, decorated them, used wrapping paper, construction paper, newspaper, and magazines, to name just a few.

The past year I have gotten lazy and started giving people online paper chains. "Attention so-and-so...this is your online paper chain letting you know there is only 14 days until ______." Fun, yet a little slothful if you ask me. Tonight, however, the e-alert will have to do... "ATTENTION JENNI: THIS IS YOUR ONLINE PAPER CHAIN REMINDING YOU THERE IS 7 DAYS UNTIL YOU LEAVE FOR OREGON! (p.s. I'm going to Oregon to visit long lost friends and I am SO EXCITED!)

Now remember, you are NEVER too old to make a paper chain!

The Classic Super Nerd

2009-02-17T15:08:00.000-08:00

Exibit A: Short pants hiked abnormally high. Awkwardly large glasses, held together by adhesives. Pens. Lots of pens. Every button hole, buttoned.

A classic case of The Super Nerd.

Often we look back on pictures of our former selves and chuckle, swearing we were "the biggest nerds EVER!" Like 8th grade when silk shirts were "SO IN!" - mine was blue, it was buttoned up to the neck (see exhibit A), complete with button covers on every last one. Button covers. Some of you know all too well what I'm talking about.

Then there was 5th grade when large, and I mean LARGE glasses were "All the rage!" The bigger, the better...which is why mine were the biggest in the 5th grade. And TEAL. But one day those big, teal, plastic frames broke. My parents convinced me that eyesight was more important than style (I now know better.) and dad duct taped those glasses to perfection.

Unfortunately, there is one faux paus that I have never outgrown. Short Jeans. I struggle to find a good fitting pair that even comes close to hitting the floor. My short friends (and I have many) buy jeans in bulk - no fear of their ankles being exposed, their full shoe showing and their white socks screaming, with the word "embarrassment" written all over them.

Fortunately for me, my mother took pity on my posting about my black wardrobe and bought me a splash of colour. And even more fortunately, she didn't mind that I exchanged a couple things for a loooong pair of jeans - this has been my biggest need since committing to not buying anything new for a year.

Finally, age 28, I am no longer a Super Nerd. (laugh, interupted by a snort, while hiking up my new looooong pants) Wellllll, so I'm a work in progress!

Thanks Mom!

My 2009 Valentine

2009-02-15T20:12:00.000-08:00

Dear Job,

I know I never appreciated you when we were together. Before our break-up, I constantly grumbled at the ways you made me wake up early. Or how you made me spend more time with you than with my friends.

It's just that I felt like you were using me, dear Job. Paying me to do the things you wanted me to do is not what I call love. But even so, I was committed to you. I only cheated on you once, when I needed to take a sick day to catch up on my beauty sleep.

Oh Job, how I miss you! My days are long, while my sleepless nights are even longer. I google your name online all the time. "JOB...JOB...JOB"...but my efforts to find you are fruitless. Oh my sweet Job, please don't choose another! Pick ME! I will never take our relationship for granted again!

Your Beloved Employee in Waiting,
Jenni

You know you belong in the looney bin when...

2009-02-11T14:58:00.000-08:00

You pull up to the pharmacy drive through window dressed like a Ninja Bunny and tell the girl:

"I'm here to pick up my medication...and can I get fries and a shake with that?"

I'M A...GRANDMA?!?!

2009-02-10T12:36:00.001-08:00

Ten years ago I had just graduated from high school and got a job at a small-town Sears selling appliances, tractors and tools. Ironically, I absolutely LOVED working there and still to this day ooh-and-ahh over people's refrigerators and men's Craftsman circular saws. A woman I worked with often brought her daughter in after school...just a little 5th grader at the time...who became my buddy. Well, "buddy" is a strong word. Things started out more like this:

Jenni, the mature 18 year old, was pretending to be on the phone with a customer. The other phone started to ring to which Jenni whispered to the small, 5th grader girl, "PSST! Hey, can you answer that?" The little girl fearfully picked up the phone, copying the Big Kids and said, "Sears Cambridge, how can I help you?" The person on the other line said in a scary monster voice "DO YOU HAVE ANY WASHING MACHINES FOR $20?!?!?" The little girl was frightened and looked to Jenni, the mature 18 year old for assistance...Jenni waved her off and said to deal with it. The Scary Monster Customer said once again, "DO YOU HAVE ANY WASHING MACHINES FOR $30?!?!?!" Again, with trembling voice, the little girl looked to the mature older girl for help. Waving her off, Jenni continued talking to her "customer" on the other line. Once again, the Scary Monster Customer said "DO YOU HAVE ANY WASHING MACHINES FOR..." just at that moment, Jenni turned around and looked right at the frightened little girl and said loudly "$100?!?!?" The little girl practically pooped her pants, then half-crying, half-laughing, realized it was her "buddy" Jenni playing a prank on her.

And that is how we began. I would visit her at her school lunches and when she got into junior high, she began coming to Wyld Life, the ministry I worked with...many sleepovers, Perkins dates, dance parties, and heart-to-heart chats ensued. Through the years, she has always adamantly told me, "Someday, when you have kids, I will be your nanny!" Well, just recently my little friend had a baby of her own...to which I asked her, "So does this mean I have to be YOUR nanny?"

The relationships from those years on Young Life/Wyld Life staff still mean so much to me today. It never ceases to amaze me when one of them tells me I made a difference in their life, because there is a secret I have: They made a bigger difference in mine.